People are insane and other random thoughts

Weather change again folks. For those of you who may be new - this is is not a good thing for an old bat with bad joints. So, I am taking a break from getting ready to leave in the morning to prop my legs up and watch my addiction (better known as Dancing with the Stars). Its the finale. But my American Idol starts in January. : )

On an update, Mr. Bad Influence and I came to a meeting of the minds the last few days. I called him out on a few things. He found out who the boss was. He remembered who he was dealing with. And he settled down. No more rude comments. No more messing up and not cleaning up behind himself. And .... The big apology. Yes, folks. He apologized. As with most young folks that age, there was something else bothering him. A few things actually. For one, his dad is moving in with his girlfriend. They are talking about getting married. And the relationship between child and future step-mom is not starting off on a good foot. Now, I would bet money that part of this is because the boys can have an attitude. However, the mom to be is mandating things like boys dog must go. She's taking the other dogs that the dad has. But his collie has to be gone by the end of the week. There are some other things going on that are more private in nature but boy is resentful because boy's best friend is being kicked out. I may be bringing the collie back here to live with us. I'm doing the big debate about it right now. Dogs are easier to deal with than kids. Other issue that boy has been dealing with is that his dad got laid off. So, there is some worry about money now. Now, I told boy that this did not at all excuse his poor behavior. So, its not like I let him off the hook. But, we have come to a better understanding. And I have reestablished that I am the boss. Little Man still has some punishment coming for his mouth and attitude. He is in no way off the hook. And he will probably be unhappy with me for several days yet to come.

One of the blogs I follow, Lifein3dee, has been having a problem with stalkers. First, the crazy ex-wife managed to find her blog and she has not only been stalked by the crazy EW but other assorted members of that family. Now, the crazy EW has given her blog address to a woman known by the nickname "white trash barbie" on the blog. WTB (white trash barbie) and the ex (cruella) have been corresponding to try and keep our blog friend and her hubby from seeing his children. Cruella picked up the 12 year old for visitation and has never returned the child. As I am a new reader, I am still going back thru the archives to play catch up on the history here. Check her blog out folks. Not only can she use the support that I have found to be so wonderful in my corner of blog land, her blog is well written and I really enjoy it. And I'll be honest folks. What these two women are doing to Lifein3dee really sets my temper off. Not that it takes much to set off the red head here folks. But seriously. White trash barbie is deliberately creating lies and going against her own husband (who is the 12 year olds grandfather) to try and help cruella alienate the children from their dad. I think it irritates me so much because WTB reminds me so much of SD's crazy family. Who cares if the kids get hurt right? So long as you can push everyone that was in your spouses life out the door and have them all to yourself then screw the consequences to the innocents right? I am so very sick of immature adults hurting kids just because they're so paranoid and insecure that they don't care who they hurt. For over 10 years now, my kids have had to do without a dad. Was he the best dad? No. Was he a good role model? Hell no. But was he the only dad they had? Yes. And they had to deal with an insecure, selfish child masquerading as a woman who wouldn't pass messages to their dad and lied to child support to keep money that should have been paid to the kids in her pockets. She sabotaged what little relationship that the kids had with SD - no matter how poor it may have been - she sabotaged it down to non-existent. And white trash barbie and cruella are trying to do the same thing to lifein3dee and her hubby. So, they've been not only stalking lifein3dee but possibly the people who comment on her blog. If they happen to have shown up here and possibly might be reading this...

Grow up folks. Get a life. Karma will come back to get you. The damage that you're doing to family relationships, the damage that you've done between a dad and his child shows your level of immaturity and selfishness. What goes around - comes around. And when your time comes around, I will sit here in my little part of blog land, enjoy reading about your down fall and then enjoy passing along your story to the next fool who is so insecure that they would rather sabotage a parent/child relationship than allow a child to have the parental love that should be theirs. And that time will come. Just as the people who sabotaged my children's relationship with SD have been bitten by Karma. Just as SD is paying the karma price. Anyone who has followed my blog for any length of time knows just how hard SD has had it in recent years. Not caused by anything I've done. I just seriously believe that you cannot continue to lie and cheat and steal (and yes, lying to keep a dad and child apart is still a lie, cheating a child out of a decent relationship with a parent is still cheating, and stealing a child from their parent or a parent from their child to fill your own selfish needs is still theft) and not having to pay for those things in some way. Eventually, you will have to pay.

Think about it folks.

God bless all the moms (be they bio or step) out there in blog land who are trying to do this thing right and do what's best for the children involved!

I will survive

I have meant to post this all day. But "Dancing with the Stars" was on tonight and I am an addict. I'm sorry. I admit it. I am not a real big fan of reality tv for the most part. But, I was a music major in school. My parents were very cool when it came to my music. My parents started me out with piano when I was 7. And both my younger brother and I took lessons for many years. When I entered Jr. High, I was in choir and they were looking for anyone who could read music that might be interested in joining orchestra. Well folks, I have a great ear for notes and musical instruments. But I am tone deaf. And choir for me was a total embarrassment. I mean, a camel in heat sounds better than my singing. But God blessed me with perfect pitch on any instrument. And on listening to anyone else sing. So, I had a great time in school. I was in orchestra, swing choir, jazz band, and I taught recorder to elementary school kids. Anyhow, the instrument that they needed to fill seats on was the bass. The string bass. The dang thing was bigger than I was when I started. But I was blessed in that the orchestra director was the first chair bass for the Toledo symphony orchestra at the time. And he was more than willing to give me private lessons that my parents were generous enough to pay for. Combine a great teacher with a small amount of talent and everything turns up roses. I found that I enjoyed doing this. I sat first chair (lead bass player) 5 years out of the 6 I was in school playing. I got beat out my freshman year in high school by a Senior. You know what's pretty cool about learning to play the string bass? You can play the bass guitar. The notes are all the same. So, I got to be part of a show choir. Not as a singer or dancer. No! I have 3 left feet and the camel voice remember? But I got to play a bass guitar with an amplifier and I played music with some kids who really had some talent. I didn't do bad. I had a 4 year scholarship offer from a big 10 school for music. I was on an album playing bass for a choir when I was 17. But, not like some of the kids I got to jam with. One girl marched in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. She also toured Europe with the all-american marching band. She was maybe 5-2 and played the trombone. The trombone was bigger than she was. But she could make it talk. And our drummer, she went to the Cincinnati Conservatory of music on a full ride. This background and my love of music may sort of at least, explain my obsession with the 2 reality shows that I actually watch.

So, I was glued to the TV tonight watching the final dances of this season's DWTS. I should have been here blogging. I should have been on here letting you wonderful folks know that I am fine after my serious pity party the other night. I appreciate all the good comments and cyber hugs that were sent my way! The bad influence child is still here. However, as every day goes by- I get in a better mood because I have survived another day and its one day closer to taking him home. And I managed to discreetly point out to the boys a few things that problem child was doing to cause issues and the boys have been catching on to his manipulations. And I think the fact that he wants to still do nothing but sit on the video game is getting to Little Man and B both. They are more active than that. It was fine for a few days but its getting old quick. That plus a few private talks with the boys have improved their attitudes immensely.

Plans are moving forward for Thanksgiving at Ruth's dad's house. Hurricane and Donna have been invited. Tara has been invited. Ruth's dad was kind enough to invite us to come in Weds night. He told me that we could surprise the kids but then Ruth asked me to bring the boys in Weds night anyhow. So, that is the current plan. I don't know if I'll have internet there or not. If I don't. I'll be back Thanksgiving night to update on whether or not Hurricane and Donna actually show up and behave.

I have survived. I am a survivor. And I usually manage to have a good time doing it. I thank you all so much for your support and caring. Thanks!

warning....

If you're in a good mood- STOP! Do not read any further. This post is full of resentment and frustration.

Against my better judgment this past week, I allowed the boys to bring a friend home with them when we came back from old town. Don't ask me why I did. I knew it was a mistake from the minute that it was mentioned. This kid is a do nothing type kid. He has no ambition, no goals, and no respect. And every single bit of progress that Little Man has made since we've moved here has flown out the window with the arrival of this other kid. The attitude that had made such a turn around here- back. The mouth - running at full speed again. The progress shown with patience- disappeared. I was enjoying having him around the house and we were making good progress not only with his school work but with some home projects. Gone. Now, his school work is done. He finished class one with an 89 and we are awaiting his next set of books. So, he would have had some what of a break. But, all he has done is sleep and eat and attitude me to the point wanting to pull my hair out.

Now, you may ask why I don't run no ambition child home? If I take him home, I give up Thanksgiving with the kids. I don't have gas and money to make another trip back to be rid of him. Consequently, I am miserable. I am resentful. And I am totally out of patience. I want my child back. I have tried talking to Little Man. No luck so far. And to top it off- now B is starting in. And this other child has shown a decided lack of respect too. I can't figure out if my boys are being disrespectful because he is or if he's being disrespectful because they are. They're feeding off each other.

If you are a praying type person. Please pray for me to have the strength and patience to make it thru 3 more days. Just 3 more days and then I can be rid of him. Of course, it will probably take me a month to de-program my kids but I might get lucky there too. Just seems like Little Man is a totally different person around the kids from old town and the kids from the new one. Of course, the kids from new town are all around more polite and well mannered than his friends from old town were anyways. Whatever the case may be, my humor and patience are sadly lacking right now.

you could also pray for santa to drop some wine or mind numbing drugs down the chimney tonight to help me survive until weds????? yeah, it was worth a shot....

parental alienation or a lousy court system

An article is making its way thru some of my favorite blogs this morning. A young man, a 14 year old boy actually, has been ordered to spend 4 days in detention for refusing to see his father. In case you haven't seen it yet, I'll let you read the article here.

Sad isn't it? From those folks who have had to live thru parental alienation, this article could be indicative of that. Mom alienates boy from dad. Mom would rather see boy go to detention than force him to spend time with dad. But.... What about the boys reasons. Because if you've ever had a 14 year old, you will know that they have their own opinions and that they have no problem what-so-ever voicing those. And if faced with going to jail or spending time with a parent that they really don't mind so much - jail is going to lose out. And this young man gave his reasons to the court. And maybe they suck. Because the judge obviously felt that his reasons weren't valid.

But now, lets go back to a judge I had. When we went to court a year after the divorce, SD hadn't seen or spoken to the kids in that year. All attempts by the kids to talk to their dad were met with stonewalling by his crazy girlfriend. She would tell the kids that "dad wasn't home but that they could talk to their new "mom" or their brother or sister". People that the kids had no inclination to talk to. Messages left for dad to call them were never returned. No birthdays cards or calls, a christmas card that came from the new girlfriend signed "mom, dad, girl child and boy child". (they tossed that one in the fireplace before I could grab it). Their very existence was ignored. And we won't even talk about child support because that was a figment of the courts imagination. During this time, he also got a new car. A pick up truck that sat 3. So, when he took his crazy gf and her kids out and about in it- they were already driving illegally. And he got a DUI. But, back to court we went. I had a few questions about him taking the kids. First off, what were they going to do with the girl child that had pulled a knife on my daughter and pulled down my sons pants and grabbed him some place that her little hands should not have been? Second of all- how was he going to transport the kids? 3rd of all- how was he going to feed them because if he couldn't afford $100/week in child support- he couldn't afford to feed them as they ate way more than that in groceries. 4th of all, how were we going to handle the smoking issues with B's asthma as I finally had him stable with no attacks in the previous 9 months after him spending 4-6 in patient visits in a hospital a year previously. And SD not only smoked 2-3 packs a day in cigarettes, his gf smoked and they smoked marijuana in large quantities. I didn't have any objection to him seeing or spending time with the kids. The kids had their own objections to that. The kids had their own objections to going to his actual house but did want to see him. They felt comfortable enough in court to voice this to the judge.

Fast forward to the judge's decision. He decided that SD could have the kids unsupervised. He informed SD in front of the 2 older kids that he was not to drink or use drugs in front of them. He informed the kids in front of SD, that if their dad was to use or drink in front of them, that they were to call the police on him. Ok, like that would have ever been allowed to happen? Hurricane was 12 then- he probably weighed in at about 90 pounds soaking wet and SD was at around 200 and a foot taller. Tara was 14 but even today she tops out at about 5-4 and she didn't weigh in over 110 at that point. Did the judge think that he was going to just stand there and allow the kids to call the police on him? Seriously? Does any judge really think that when they tell a person who is an addict to just "not use" around the kids that its going to happen? And as a parent, you're torn. You step-folks who have to send your skids home to crazy biological parents know this. You want them to have a good healthy relationship with BOTH parents. You want them to have the benefits of having 2 parents to love them and guide them. And if having a step-mom or step-dad to love them is in the picture- so much the better! A child can't have too many people to love them or care for them.

But what about those situations where the biological parent is not a healthy role model. What about the step-parent who is not only not a good, loving role model but actively works to sabotage the relationship between the parent and child. A step-parent who is so insecure and immature that they are threatened by the child's relationship with the parent. A step-parent who resents that child support leaving the house. One that wants the parent all to his or herself. These are the situations that make life so very hard on all my step-mom friends and their wonderful spouses who are getting short shafted in their time with their children. What I wouldn't have given thru the years to have SD end up with some of these step-moms that I've met online. To have the kids have a woman in their lives to love them and care for them the way some of the step-moms that I've met thru blogging care for the kids of their hearts.

In our case, everything worked out although not as I would have had it in my dreams. See, in my dreams, SD would have straightened up. He would have utilized the time the judge gave him to build a healthy relationship with the kids. He would have told crazy gf to step back and give the kids room to accept her. He would have returned calls, made an effort and quit using drugs. He would have remembered the kids on their birthdays and at least called them to wish them a happy birthday. But, that's not what happened. Instead, he disappeared. Instead of seeing the kids and not using- he just didn't bother to call or come see them at all. Birthdays, Christmas, Holidays, Graduations went unnoticed. Phone calls never came. And in time (and with a wonderful counselor), they moved on. The hardest thing was teaching them that none of this was their fault. They didn't do anything wrong to make him disappear. It was his choice and his priorities - not anything that they did or did not do.

Point was, the judge felt that SD's drug dealing and drinking and even a DUI were not reason to keep the SD from driving the kids around. How many of us have read the stories on here of judges letting the kids live in filth or debris or neglect or abuse and doing nothing? And we say its because its the "mom" doing it and that the judge lets the "biological moms" get away with murder. But sometimes, the judges let the non-custodial "dads" endanger the kids too. The system is not perfect. And maybe- just maybe, this is not a case of parental alienation. Maybe this child has a really good reason. Or maybe its another case of a crazy mom who is too insecure and selfish to allow her child to have a decent relationship and time with his father. I just don't feel qualified to judge.

TGIF all!

Fairly wordless Weds

Life was quiet on the crazy front today. I'm worn out today because I got crazy and decided to clean the carpets. I over-did in a large way and only got the living room floor done. The dining room and hallway are still way past the time when they should have been done. And because I have over-done it and I'm in more pain than I care to dwell on, I will make today a "fairly wordless Weds." (because we all know that I can't be totally wordless)

I took this at a restaurant the day we went shopping. My mom and Little Bit were just enthralled with each other.

We took Little Bit to a pumpkin patch on Saturday. I think he was trying to figure out what we were doing to him...

Mom and Little Bit, I for a baby that is always smiling ~ he sure wouldn't oblige us at this time

Daddy was hiding behind the scarecrows holding onto his overalls. Do you think that explains the funny face? Or was it the scarecrow "hair" that kept getting into his face?

B, Hurricane, Little Bit, Grandma, Ice Cube, and Little Man. Do they look like a motley crew or what?

Long time no ... see?

Holidays are a time for family and visiting. Not drama. I am too bloody old to put up with childishness and drama.

Mom's visit went really well. We had some little issues here and there. Ice Cube and Little Man had a few little verbal jabs going back and forth. The girls got along fairly well. Hurricane was a big help and he and Little Man gathered up a bunch of branches and brush and burned it as well as raking up some leaves. We met Tara for dinner Sunday night and there were a few more verbal stabs thrown out at her. She very admirably ignored them all. Hurricane and Donna apparently brought some alcohol with them which wasn't a very appropriate thing to do but I don't think mom figured it out.

I did mention it tonight when I was talking to Hurricane about something else. I had asked both kids if they were going to make it in for the holiday. Hurricane told me no- no money, no time off work. Ice Cube told me that he didn't have the time off to make the drive down. Ice Cube is only off on Thanksgiving Day. He couldn't do a 6 hour drive here and then 6 hours home plus dinner. It would be torture on the baby if nothing else. So, Ruths dad, who lives in old town, invited everyone there for dinner. That would be a 3 hour drive there for them and they could drive down Wed night and drive back Thurs evening. He was kind enough to invite us too. So, I called Hurricane to let him know that I was making the drive down. I would think that they were going to invite he and Donna out there too but after the incident with Ice Cube's 18th birthday.... Well, who knows. They sure made fools out of themselves the last time. Anyhow, in order to avoid any more over-reactions and childish temper tantrums, I wanted to let him know that I was coming down for the holiday. Big. Mistake. All I got for my trouble was more accusations about how I could drive down to see Ice Cube but not him. Nothing I said from that point forward was listened to or productive. All he wanted to do again was fight and then of course, the famous - hang up on mom routine. All I know at this point is that I'm absolutely sick of dealing with the childishness. So, a wee bit later, I get an email from Donna saying "well, I guess we ruined last weekend then?". So, here's where the red hair comes out and takes over. Its not my fault- I swear. I had had very little sleep over the weekend. Spent Sunday night in a hotel. Drove 3 hours home yesterday and started working to clean up the mess from the weekend. Had some make up work to do with the boys today to catch them back up with their schooling. And I've got some sort of cold to where my head is all stuffy. Tonight was not the night to mess with me. Not to mention, I'm really out of patience with this whole situation. Really out of patience.

I emailed Donna back over the whole thing. I told her that I was really tired of things being blown out of proportion and exaggerated. I didn't tell her this but I believe its time for everyone to put on their big kid panties and grow up. No more childishness. No more games. I haven't heard a word one since it all happened but that's nothing abnormal. I'm just so tired with it all. All the games, the lies, the drama, the jealousy. If I only saw my mom when my brother was there, I'd see her less than I do now. If my mom only celebrated holidays when both brother and I could be there, she wouldn't have celebrated a holiday in over 10 years. He wants us to sit at home and do nothing for the holiday because he can't come. That's not going to happen either. I will go out and I will have fun. And I will enjoy my holiday.

On another note, my mom took me shopping for clothes. This would be (I thought) a big waste of time. My jeans that I was wearing were a size 16. I was pretty happy with a 16. Now, for you skinny folks or new readers, I was in a size 24 in January. I was pretty happy with going down to a size 16. I could have stayed in a 16 for the rest of my life and I would have been happy. I thought I would be wasting money to go get new jeans. Going down to a size 14 would have just been a waste of money is what I thought. I had to buy a size 12. I probably haven't worn a 12 in 18 or 19 years. I'm happy.

Well, I'm back now. I'll be back to my normal posting schedule. Take care all!

let the journey begin

Today starts the journey. I have a 3 hour drive to the metroplex where I will meet my mom's plane. Then a short jump between towns to meet Ruth's train to pick up Ruth and Little Bit. Meet Hurricane and Donna for a quick bite to eat, and then a 3 hour drive back here. It's going to be a really long day.

Still having no end of issues with Hurricane. I asked him if he wanted to go to the airport with me to get his grandma. Since I didn't have room in my car for Donna too, he chose to not go. My car is small. I got it after the 2 older kids were already gone and moved out and Ice Cube was already driving. It seats 5 and if they're long legged, the ones in the back won't be real comfortable. So, it would have been me, Hurricane, my mom, and then running to get Ruth and Little Bit and his car seat. So, then my child tells me - oh so Ruth is going to be there for the week too? And me- with my sarcastic mouth that I never learned to control I guess... I pop off with "Did you think he was coming down on the train himself?" I mean seriously folks. The baby is 4 months old. Sometimes I just want to shake that child to see if I can rattle his brain into processing logic. Now mind you, at 21 years old and 6 foot tall, its wishful thinking, not something I'd ever even attempt but still. I always thought that living thru the teen years would be the worst of it. This child is seriously undermining my beliefs. I can't quite figure out where I went wrong in the accepting responsibility department. He accepted responsibility for things he did when he lived at home. He was really good about it. I remember one time when he was about 10 or 11. One of his friends tattled on him and he was really mad. He told me that he was going to beat his friend up for "snitching" on him. I got on him and told him that he was not to lay one hand on said friend. Not one finger was he to touch him with. If he laid a hand or so much as a finger on this other child, the consequences would be so horrible that he couldn't begin to imagine them. We had brunch with the kids parents a few weeks later and of course they brought their son with them. As we adults were sitting around chatting after eating, the boy came in bawling. Hurricane had "beat him up". Well, Hurricane came walking nonchalantly thru the door about this time and I asked him what he had been told. He repeated the instructions and the promised punishment back and then told me - "But mom, I didn't break your rules. I didn't put a finger or hand on him. I got him in the corner and kicked him." Splitting hairs that way didn't save his tail from SD (who I was still with at that point). He had a very miserable life for about the next month.

He knew when he did it what the punishment would be. He didn't try to hide from it. He committed the offense and came in to face the punishment. So, why can't he face up to his actions now? He had no problems facing up to his actions when he was 5 or 11 or 16. Why at 21 does he feel the need to blame anyone and everyone for things that he does. He gets a ticket- its the "cops" fault for "picking on him". He and Donna have problems with his siblings- it isn't his fault or Donna's. Everything is his siblings fault. He's miserable with where he's at in life - its my fault. His truck is messing up - Its Vix and Cal's fault for helping him buy a piece of junk instead of a decent car. Well, the truck WAS decent until he drove it into the ground. I got hung up on again yesterday. I don't know why I bother to answer the phone to him or bother to call him. He hangs up on me every time. But, he wanted me to co-sign for him to get a motorcycle. He hasn't paid Vix and Cal a dime one towards his truck in over a year. He can't even keep his cell phone turned on. His car insurance lapsed probably a year ago and now he has to pay double the rates to get it back on. He lives with Vix and Cal and works full time. Where does his money go? Since he doesn't owe me, then I don't really ask. I know he's gotten ticket after ticket. And I know that he and Donna blow a bit. I also know that if he had tried, he couldn't have gotten a truck with worse gas milage. Whatever the case may be, I'm not about to co-sign anything that I can't afford to pay for. And I don't want a motorcycle. So, he hung up on me. Such is life.

One of these days I will figure out what language he speaks because whatever it is- I don't understand it. I don't understand his refusal to go meet his grandma's plane just because his girlfriend wasn't able to go. I don't understand why he would think that Mom would want to see Donna as soon as she gets off the plane. I don't understand why he thinks anyone would co-sign for him when he's shown no financial responsibility at all. I have either gotten too old to speak the language anymore or he speaks a different one than most of the other young folks. I can still understand Little Man, Ruth, Ice Cube and other younger type folks I know. None of them understand him either. Well, I need to be out the door and on my way within the hour and I need to pack a bag of things for Little Bit to have/play with on the way home. I need to top off my gas tank too. Little Man is going to make the drive with me as Hurricane didn't want to go to the airport.

Here's hoping for a uneventful journey. Y'all have a great day!