A lot of my friends in blog land are step-parents. Very special women who have wonderful relationships with the "children of their heart". They are also dealing with biological parents who try to alienate them/their spouses from the kids and cause all kinds of stress in their lives. I hope I am not about to become one of those parents. Well, I can't in some respects cause I can't stop a relationship that doesn't exist but.... Well, let me tell you what's going on and then we'll go from there.
Ex and I have been divorced for 10 years. He WAS an over the road trucker when we split up. He quit that job not too long after the divorce to avoid the wage garnishment. Due to drugs and legal issues, he only has supervised visits with the kids. When it started, I originally tried to get him to see the kids when he was in town. Well, his new gf (later wife) didn't want him to see the kids if she wasn't with him. Or she didn't want him to see me? Who knows. They were both married to other people when they got together so trust was an issue in their relationship. I digress. It took him 5 1/2 months after we split up for him to call the kids. At that point, they were rather upset with him and the conversation didn't go too well. They were also upset about the Christmas card they received from "Mom, Dad, C and N" in her handwriting. Mind you, this was before their big wedding (that the kids weren't invited to) and after 5 1/2 months of them not hearing from him. He drove into the town that we live in every week and not one time did he call them. So, after the Christmas fiasco, he went another 7 months of no contact. No calls, no support, no acknowledgement of their birthdays. So, then I get a summons to court. And so back to court we go. As it had been a year of no contact, and due to some legal and drug issues he had had, no place to put the kids, only owned a pick up truck so no way to transport the kids (he told the judge the kids could ride in the BED), failure to pass a drug screen, he and his new (by then) wife showing up at court in shorts, tank tops and sandals- the judge gave him supervised visits while we were in town, phone visits once we went back home, and 2 1 week periods of visitation in TX over the summer. The sticking point was that he had to be clean to see the kids. No drinking while he had them and no drug usage or the judge told the kids to call 911 and have the police come immediately. And he had to get a place to take them that her daughter could NOT be in a room with my boys. Well, the supervised visits didn't go all that well but it was ok till he picked up B (who was 5) and dangled him by one arm while whipping his tail as the baby dangled in the air. That didn't set too well with the older kids. But as that was the last visit before we got back on the plane I just calmed the kids down. Phone visits after we got back home lasted about 6 or 7 calls (that's a whole another story) and did not go well at all - he actually ended up cussing out the kids over the phone several times. He no showed for his visitation that year and the kids didn't hear from him again for 4 years. Then he and wife #2 broke up and he remembered he had kids. All this time, still no support. And I never pushed it. Never called the support bureau. Never bugged him for money (couldn't if I had wanted to- as we never had a phone number on him). So, he wanted to "make it right" with his kids. So, I let him come to TX and be with the kids. He sang a good song. Well, B had no idea who he was. And being shy at the time, he never would even talk to him. He'd say things like: "mama, what's that man doing?". Or he'd ask for money and I'd tell him to go ask his daddy for a dollar and he'd tell me "no mama, I don't know that man- you ask him". He was 9 at that time and had only seen him 1 time in 5 years. Well, Ex hung around for a few months, and then got up one morning to go to work, and flew back north. No goodbye to the kids. No fighting- nothing. I found out later that he had started doing drugs again and apparently he had to go back to where the drugs were easier for him to get? No idea. Never heard from him again except a phone call that Hurricane got where Ex asked him if he could set him up for drugs here because apparently buying marijuana is cheaper in TX than up north? He wanted to come here and buy "weight" and then take it back up there to sell. H was shocked and didn't react too well to the suggestion and the kids haven't heard from him since. We still have the same phone number. That's been 4 years ago. As per for the course, we still don't have a phone number to reach him. I got it once but after one call to it- it was changed. He now tells everyone that the only child he has is the one current gf just had. And by his own admission to his sister he "only claimed that one to help him out with his court case". And no, although certain members of his family will give me all kinds of information- address and/or phone number aren't included. Court case: He is out on bond. Last Sept he was arrested on 2 counts of dealing cocaine to an undercover police officer. He has been charged with 8 felonies. He's facing somewhere around 100 years in prison if convicted on all counts. His child support as ordered for 4 kids- $319/month. The newspaper said that each time he dealt to the police officer it was for over $400 per sale. So, it's not like he hasn't had the money. So about a year ago, I asked them to work my support case. IN doesn't like the way that TX wrote the order so the worker there refuses to work the case. It has been over a year since she did anything to it. They have to have the address cause his felony charges are with the same prosecutors office. It's been 10 years and I've gotten 12 support checks. None since 2000.
Yesterday, I called one of the support kids organizations. I think my kids deserve that money (currently 43,000 in arrears). Since the caseworker in IN refuses to work the case (and yes I've spoken to her supervisor several times) and I can't afford an attorney to take him back to court, I need help! He hasn't filed taxes since the divorce, that way they won't take his refund and give it to me. He mostly works cash so that there's no paper trail. He put his car in his mom's name so there's nothing in his name. I don't even know that this place can help us.
Anyhow, I guess what I'm looking for with this is validation. Please someone tell me that I'm not wrong for trying to collect the support he owes my kids. I'm on disability for a degenerative joint disease and do what I can but it only goes so far. The boys are great at helping out. Both Hurricane and Ice Cube bought their own vehicles, they pay their own insurance and they buy their own clothes. School is starting in 2 weeks and I'm very frustrated at lack of money for new clothes, shoes, supplies. And don't get me wrong- the boys have decent stuff. New - no. Old and torn up- NO. I buy a little every month and watch for sales so it's not like they don't have anything. I love TJ Maxx and sales at Old Navy. Just, am I wrong for thinking he should pay support on kids he doesn't see- even though the lack of communication is from his choice? He doesn't even tell people that he meets that he HAS these other kids.
Your opinion please?
