I spent yet more time on the phone with the bank and ATT. Little Man had to run thru the bank and sign some papers disputing the charges and working at getting the fees taken care of. They're still there at this point but things are moving in the right direction. The biggest problem is that ATT and the bank are both fighting over who's responsibility it is to get rid of the fees. Personally, I don't care which one of them makes it right- but one of them needs to immediately!
My other liberating experience came via email today. I got an email from Tara disowning me. Now, I realize that as a mom, I should be hurt. I should be upset. I should be something other than relieved. But I'm not. I guess that makes me flawed in some way. But, with that child, its been one thing after another. Things so bad and so horrid that I can't even mention them on here. She's gone from loser man to loser man. Bounced in and out of our lives. Stolen from us. Her current man has stolen from us. (as in we filed a police report theft). She was actually at one time committed to a mental hospital. They only agreed to release her if she would stay in outpatient treatment. That, of course, went out the window when she got with Tom. Tom likes her the way she is. He tells her things like: "The Bible says that he's her master and she is his servant". Tom claims to be a minister. He's one of those ministers. You've heard of them? They get their ministry in prison. Only pay attention to the commandments if its suits them to. Tom regularly ignores the commandment that says "Thou shall not steal". The one about honoring his father and mother is one he likes to ignore when it suits him too. Either that or he figures that putting his dad in the hospital when they both got drunk and Tom beat him up is what the Lord meant by "honor". Doesn't fit my definition but then again, I haven't been to prison either.
I got this from her today as part of her lying email.
I would like to point out that I visited your site for the first time tonight in over a week.
This is part of what cracks me up about habitual liars. They tell so many lies, they can't keep them straight. Does she really think that I don't have proof of her visits? Or that I'm so stupid that I will believe this just because she claims it? Or maybe she thinks that the folks at sitemeter are going to frame her? Tara has been on my blog up to 6 times a day for hours a day every day. Tara emailed Dee a few weeks ago. Well, a comment to Dee's blog. The IP addy shows on those comment approval emails. Its the same IP addy stalking Dee's blog. The same IP addy that has shown up on ESM's blog. The same one I posted a few days ago that is on my blog multiple times a day. Check out the date of what's showing below. This is one of the visits from that particular day....
| Domain Name | embarqhsd.net ? (Network) | ||||||||||||||||
| IP Address | 76.0.76.# (Embarq Corporation) | ||||||||||||||||
| ISP | Embarq Corporation | ||||||||||||||||
| Location |
| ||||||||||||||||
| Language | English (U.S.) en-us | ||||||||||||||||
| Operating System | Microsoft WinNT | ||||||||||||||||
| Browser | Internet Explorer 7.0 Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 7.0; Windows NT 6.1; WOW64; Trident/4.0; SLCC2; .NET CLR 2.0.50727; .NET CLR 3.5.30729; .NET CLR 3.0.30729; Media Center PC 6.0) | ||||||||||||||||
| Javascript | version 1.3 | ||||||||||||||||
| Monitor |
| ||||||||||||||||
| Time of Visit | Jan 18 2010 8:31:56 pm | ||||||||||||||||
| Last Page View | Jan 18 2010 8:34:09 pm | ||||||||||||||||
| Visit Length | 2 minutes 13 seconds | ||||||||||||||||
| Page Views | 1 | ||||||||||||||||
| Referring URL | http://lifein3dee.wordpress.com/ | ||||||||||||||||
| Visit Entry Page | http://texaskid55.blogspot.com/ | ||||||||||||||||
| Visit Exit Page | http://texaskid55.blogspot.com/ | ||||||||||||||||
| Out Click | 1 comments https://www.blogger....5749343&isPopup=true | ||||||||||||||||
| Time Zone | UTC-6:00 | ||||||||||||||||
| Visitor's Time | Jan 18 2010 8:31:56 pm | ||||||||||||||||
| Visit Number | 569 |
Or as you can see.... We have ONE of today's multiple visits:
| Domain Name | embarqhsd.net ? (Network) | ||||||||||||||||
| IP Address | 76.0.76.# (Embarq Corporation) | ||||||||||||||||
| ISP | Embarq Corporation | ||||||||||||||||
| Location |
| ||||||||||||||||
| Language | English (U.S.) en-us | ||||||||||||||||
| Operating System | Microsoft WinNT | ||||||||||||||||
| Browser | Internet Explorer 7.0 Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 7.0; Windows NT 6.1; WOW64; Trident/4.0; SLCC2; .NET CLR 2.0.50727; .NET CLR 3.5.30729; .NET CLR 3.0.30729; Media Center PC 6.0) | ||||||||||||||||
| Javascript | version 1.3 | ||||||||||||||||
| Monitor |
| ||||||||||||||||
| Time of Visit | Jan 21 2010 6:38:36 pm | ||||||||||||||||
| Last Page View | Jan 21 2010 6:39:39 pm | ||||||||||||||||
| Visit Length | 1 minute 3 seconds | ||||||||||||||||
| Page Views | 1 | ||||||||||||||||
| Referring URL | |||||||||||||||||
| Visit Entry Page | http://texaskid55.blogspot.com/ | ||||||||||||||||
| Visit Exit Page | http://texaskid55.blogspot.com/ | ||||||||||||||||
| Out Click | Lifein3dee http://lifein3dee.wordpress.com/ | ||||||||||||||||
| Time Zone | UTC-6:00 | ||||||||||||||||
| Visitor's Time | Jan 21 2010 6:38:36 pm | ||||||||||||||||
| Visit Number | 659 | ||||||||||||||||
So, love me still or hate me now. I feel relief. Less drama to deal with. No more getting cussed out for asking a question (from that child at least). No more worrying that Tom will get drunk and attack another of my children with a weapon. No more IM's talking about how sorry she is that she married Tom and how much she's still in love with her ex bf. No more phone calls crying because she caught Tom online looking for women on a dating site (and using a picture that was 3 years and 100 pounds ago). No more calls worrying about Tom out drunk driving or worrying because he beat up his 70 year old dad and the dad was in the hospital and she was worried that the police would be coming to pick Tom up.
For the record... She not only sent the kiss off email and deleted me. She deleted the whole family including Little Bit. Yes, there is the maturity level we're working with here folks. She is going to take things out on a 6 month old baby. How do the boys feel? Well, actually, I won't post Ice Cube's reaction on here. The language folks. Bad. He said he's done with her permanently. That he will never give her another chance. Then he told me I should move back there. And I laughed at him. I told him that as much as I love him, Ruth and Little Bit. I don't want to move closer to that drama fest. I don't know that Hurricane has even been on to know that she deleted him. I don't know that he'll care enough to comment to me about it or not. And even if he does care, he probably wouldn't tell me. He'd be most likely to say something to Donna. So, yes. With the physical health issues I've had in recent years that are stress related, I feel relief to not have Tom in my life anymore. I don't have to feel sick to my stomach trying to have a conversation with Tara and listening to Tom cuss her and me out during the call. And if not having Tara in my life is the price I have to pay for the peace of mind I gain by not having to deal with Tom. Then, for my health, I came out ahead.
14 comments:
We all know you love your daughter. That does not mean that you have to like her, or her actions. But sometimes, drama becomes too much. And you've got to walk away.
Loving someone does not mean that you have to take abuse from them like Tara seems to believe. You're right, I love her. Or the memory of who she was. The little blond with the pacifier stuck under her nose. I don't like the person she has become at all.
And no matter what, I wouldn't have walked away. I am too concerned about hearing that she's been found lying dead on the side of the road to walk away. She walked away.
Somehow I doubt she really meant what she said. Maybe this timeout period will be healing for you. But she will be back.
H-E-Double L-
I am tired of feeling like a revolving door. Nothing that I do or say is good enough. And the tension of dealing with her and Tom's insanity is not good for anyone. Until she gets back on her medicines, its just not healthy for anyone
I wouldn't be surprised if tom was pretending to be tara... She will change her mind but I would insist she gets back on her meds
People say that to me all the time, "Maybe someday you and your mom can have a relationship again." Sometimes I think about it, too. I remember the good times- but the bad times far outweighed that. Abuse is abuse, plain and simple. Tara may not have physically abused you, but she is emotionally manipulating you, and it sounds like she's at that point in her life where she just can't give up the drama. Some people need a villain to be happy- or at least their definition of happy. And unfortunately, people don't change. Tara will never change. At some point, although you are trying to help her out of her downward spiral, she is going to start dragging you down with her. And you have four other kids to think of- not just you.
I so understand what you're going through, Amy, and I'm sorry that you have to suffer this way. You deserve better. But you're right...this is for the best. Go low-contact and eventually she will get fed up with the lack of drama coming from you and find someone else to prey upon.
ESM-
It would not surprise me a bit to hear that Tom was doing this and starting more trouble. Typical abusive behavior to alienate the one you're abusing from all other people who love them. But, she has turned off her brain and chooses to stay with a man who is an abuser, a thief, and a liar. And she chooses not to face what he is or has done despite living in fear of getting hit or the police knocking at the door constantly. So...
Kou,
You just voiced my biggest fear. Not only will she drag me down with her but the boys. She's allowed them to be attacked with beer bottles (Ice Cube) and a knife (Little Man). She's allowed Tom to take one of them while he's out stealing. She's allowed Tom to cuss at them and never said a word. And she's stood by while Tom stole from them. They seem to feel that the world owes them.
I went no contact on Jan 10. I have not spoken to her since that day when Tom was drunk and raving in the background like a mad man. Not an IM, not a call ( when she called me - I didn't answer), not an email until I responded to her stupidity yesterday. And I won't try to contact her... for any reason.
See? All nice comments. :)
You're a wonderful mother, Amy. Tara has just put you in a bad place where you have to choose the emotional/physical health and well-being of you & your boys vs. her. I think everyone knows who's going to win that one.
If it is Tom who is trying to control her by isolating her from her family? Well, Tara has to live with that. It's her choice to stay with him. Not yours.
You're doing the right thing. I have no doubt that you will hear from her again someday in the future, but for now - just enjoy the peace and quiet.
Sharon,
I have been! You have no idea what a great day I have had.
You know what, Amy?...Family can bring us the "highest highs" or the "lowest lows"!!...And, when you read and commented upon my comment over at Dee's, you know that I feel as most of you do...We LOVE one another SO very MUCH, but when things collide then it is pure PAIN~!!....
To date myself, ..."back in the day", there used to be a sort of "given" that family should talk, communicate, respect and mend their differences...Seems that elders were treated with a little different respect than what has happened to the fabric of family today....
But, now here we sit, bumfuzzled at the "why" and then that brings stress and anquish...Wish that all could come to a great conclusion, but we can only hope and keep trying...
Your posting hit home today, and it was sooooooo introspective...
Thanks for your honesty and pitiful about liars....*she sighs*
Margaret,
Such a shame that so very many of us in today's day and age have had to deal with this type of pain. There is a lot to be said about the respect that we had drilled into us as kids.
I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this type of pain!
Oh,Amy, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. You and your kids deserve better. But you're doing the right thing.
Lori G~
Thanks for the comment and the invite! And thanks for the reassurance. This has been much harder on me than the boys. They're so used to her coming and going they were just rather rude in their opinions.
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