Sunday blessings

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learning to live

Garth Brooks put out a song many years ago called "learning to live again". That song has echoed thru my head the last few days as I've made my first forays into the dating world after more than 20 years. The line that keeps echoing thru my head is the line "This learning to live again is killing me". I mean seriously folks. What do you talk about with a guy when you're out with them for the first time? How do you know when they're interested?

Back story. I chose not to date after the divorce. I had a child with emotional issues that constantly caused turmoil (hasn't change yet but no longer lives with me and is much easier to ignore), 4 kids that were involved in sports and 2 that played on select tournament teams that involved massive time commitments, school, doctors, 3 with hereditary eye issues, dentists, broken teeth, broken bones, and a sperm donor that never sent a card or called let alone took visitation. For the last 24 years, I have had kids 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. For the last 11 years, I have done it 100% by myself. No help at all. When one decided to write checks with a checkbook that had no cash to back it up - I got the pleasure of dealing with the mess. When one got suspended for fighting at school - my fun. Tickets - trips to court for tickets- all me. Caught dipping in school - my embarrassment. Caught misbehaving on a class trip and kicked out of the extracurricular activity- again my embarrassment. Caught with a mouthful of dip in school - me again. Setting fire to the garbage can in the bedroom trying to hide a lit cigarette- me again. I couldn't take time to go to the little girls room without being interrupted let alone take the time needed to build a relationship. And I didn't really feel that I had the right to take anything else away from the kids. They had already lost so very much. They had lost a whole side of the family. I had one that flipped out whenever I left the house and left them. One that couldn't be left alone despite being physically old enough because they wanted to regress back to childhood and thought that they didn't have to follow the rules unless they had a sitter. Funny thing though- that one still thinks that the rules/laws don't apply to them. But that's a whole another issue. I tried to date exactly one time. Hurricane got into it with my niece at my sisters house and I left Tara home with the 2 younger boys at home thinking at 16, she could hang. My phone blew up from both houses all night. The guy never called again and honestly, I never cared enough to try and repeat the experience.

However, now I'm down to 2. And one of those 2 introduced me to a single man. Right age range. Uncle to a friend of theirs. Single. And the first outing was lived thru. Nice guy. Is he "Mr Right"? I doubt it. But its a start. And I survived. And with just these 2 down here, I have the peace and quiet and time to explore the possibilities. 3 of the boys will totally support me if I choose to date. The 4th, I haven't talked to about it yet but I have every faith that he would be just as happy for me if that is what I chose to do. First outing you ask? Dinner last night with B and his niece's fiance who happens to be a good friend of the boys. Having the 2 boys there made it less like a date type thing and more of just folks out for dinner. And that really works for me right now. Another date planned you ask? Well, yes, we have something else planned. Once again, it involves the kids. Both of mine plus his niece and the boys friend. Am I interested enough to see him romantically? I honestly don't know yet. I'm pretty content with my life the way it is.

On other notes, Minnie- I may need your attorneys name. I have picked up another stalker. They were on my blog 5 times on the 14th. 6 times yesterday. I'm not sure what their obsession is with my blog. I don't write about anything that interesting but I guess they have no life. I guess I should be honored. My many thanks to sitemeter for keeping track of their visits for me. I should really thank my stalker. They're making my stats rise a lot too. Yesterday alone they were on my blog at 12:47 Am, 10:03 AM, 12:28 PM, 8:52 PM, 9:37 PM, and 11:03 PM. They have already been back on today at 3:43 AM and are on as I type this at 11:39 AM. The last 5 visits to my site are courtesy of them. The IP address is 76.0.76 out of TX. So, if they start stalking any of my friends blogs, I apologize in advance. I really don't want to take my blog private over immature fools who don't have anything better to do with their lives than stalk my boring life.

One last little giggle before I sign off this morning. Talked to Ice Cube this morning. Told him that Tara was a bit upset about not hearing about his party until the day after. He said that was absolutely "BS". He apparently ran into Tom and Tom's dad up at the gas station (they were buying alcohol) prior to the party and told Tom about the get together. Told Tom that they needed to bring a case of beer if they came and Tom's response was "you better tell your brother to pay us if you want us to bring beer". (Don't get me started here about my opinion of the whole alcohol issue ok?) So, apparently her whole attitude at her "so-called family" was all over Tom not relaying a message. Which proves just goes to prove my point about Tom sabotaging things between Tara and her family. All of that particular misunderstanding is due to Tom not relaying a message. What do you know right? So, Mr "I want you to have a relationship with your family" didn't relay that message, cussed me out and called both myself and Hurricane names, and basically started this whole mess but none of it is his fault. Right? *cue eye roll here*.

Well, the boys and I have plans today so "see" y'all tomorrow!

I hate drama!

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