The rules of the game....

     Hope everyone has had a good weekend.  It got really quiet here.  We were supposed to have Elmer thru Tues.  That's when Ruth's younger brother is going back to their town.  Then Ruth had to make a trip down this way for her dad and said she'd just come and get the baby.  Well, now I understand that she was trying to be helpful.  She was coming right thru here and it would save US a trip.  But it also cut into dad's time by 4 days.  And she couldn't quite figure out why Ice Cube wasn't thrilled with losing 4 days of time with his son.  Which means that she probably didn't spend more than 2 seconds thinking about it from his side.  So, then she was going to arrive between 2-3.  That was bad enough as far as IC was concerned.  Well, instead of stopping and getting some sleep when she got to her dads, she kept going.  And got here just after 9 AM.  Well, several things with this concerned me.  1 - she had been up and going since 6 AM the previous morning and was still a 6 hour drive from home.  2- they were obviously driving well above the speed limit.  When she called me at 9:04, they were on the other side of the big town that's 32 miles from here.  They were here by 9:30.  Flying.  Well, take someone that has already been up for 27 hours and is driving way above the speed limit and still has what should be a 6 hour drive home and then put my grandson in the car, and I'm a bit worried.  Ruth does not always put the baby before her interests.  This is a person who had her mom break her water because she didn't want to be pregnant on her birthday.  A decision she made and had done at home and not at the hospital.  


     Then she and IC have mediation scheduled for a few weeks from now.  So, theoretically, they should have nothing to discuss.  They should definitely have nothing to discuss at an exchange.  Nope, Ruth had both her younger brother (who mentioned that he was losing his license in a few weeks) and her new bf with her.  And still felt the need to call IC over and start screaming and making a scene.  I give props to IC.  I had already told him that he should never ever make any type of scene at an exchange or in front of the baby.  And despite her pointing fingers in his face and being highly irate and the way she was talking at him, he never raised his voice or lost his cool.  Something that had to be very hard to do.  She had the baby upset enough that he had to go over there and see what mommy was yelling about.  He ran over and started hugging on daddy's leg.  I told IC: "IC, your son can hear you, please don't fight in front of the baby" and Ruth said "just a minute" and then kept on going.  IC called B to sidetrack the baby and keep him further away.  Not sure what the point of that was since all of us could hear Ruth plainly over the stereo in the car that was playing.  I felt really sorry for her boyfriend who was obviously uncomfortable.  He and I chatted for a bit about the property and how much we had here and where it went, etc.  I could see he was uncomfortable and was trying to make him feel better.  Ruth got even more upset with the fact that IC wouldn't fight back with her  (so glad he listened and didn't buy into that scene) and she stomped her way over to the car and told her bf - "lets go".  I walked to where she was pouting sitting and said bye to her.  She would have left without a word to me or B or without even buckling Elmer into his car seat (her bf finished that up) out of attitude with IC.  She didn't say what she was mad about (and although I could plainly hear parts of what she said as her voice raised - I'm old enough that I know that part of a conversation doesn't make all the facts....) so I'm not going to speculate on what had her going.  I do know that IC had upset her when he told her that her changing the visit times every time he has the baby was wrong and that he'd just address it all in mediation.  I've learned a lot from all my friends here in bloggy land.  I made sure to pass some of that information along with IC during this.  
I've told him - you never have these types of discussions in front of the baby.  You don't pick fights or talk about issues on exchanges.  
Never say anything not totally nice about your ex while you have Elmer.  
No matter how you feel about Ruth or what she is doing or has done- that is Elmer's mom.  
Don't ever make him feel badly for loving her.  
Hold your tears when he leaves till after he's gone.  Make sure he sees you smiling when he leaves.  
Don't cry in front of him because then he'll feel bad for being happy to see mama.
Play with him right before he leaves- that way he leaves with a good memory of you in mind.  
Make it seem like mom's coming is a happy thing for both of y'all - we always play it up.  "Mommy is coming!  Mommy will be so happy to see you!" 


     IC has done well with staying within the parameters.  When Ruth calls wanting to fight, he takes his phone outside and leaves Elmer in the house with us.  When he's madder than the dickens and ready to blow up, he vents to someone either indoors or out while the baby is in the other.  All major discussions are saved.  Not for when Elmer is asleep but for when he goes back to mom's or he talks to his friends while he's on his way to work or after he gets off.  I can bet you (and win however much you want to bet) that the same consideration isn't given to IC at Ruth's mom's house (or when she's at her dads).  What makes me think that?  Elmer is 2.  He parrots back everything he hears.  He's said some things that he obviously had to have heard from someone at his mama's.  


     Despite the fact that they sometimes don't agree or that they don't always see each other's side - I still have hope.  IC is willing to listen and do what's best for the baby.  Even without the mediation, Ruth hasn't tried to keep Elmer from his daddy.  They both love their son.  IC just needs to step up financially (although his recent bit of not giving her money is due to getting the paperwork for the mediation and knowing that any money given her at this point would be considered a gift and not counted towards child support) and she needs to realize that Elmer isn't a possession that she owns.  That he has a daddy that has rights too and that Elmer loves his daddy.  I would say that it's a very real possibility that Elmer will want to live with daddy one day.  A time that will be very difficult for Ruth to handle when the times comes.  Elmer loves his daddy. Tells daddy all the time - "I miss you daddy"  "I lub you daddy" (I love you daddy).  He wakes up in the morning and goes straight for daddy.  "Daddy I up now".  And daddy greets him every morning with a smile.  


     When we went to the pep rally Friday.  Elmer abandoned me.  He saw his friend (male twin) and ran over to sit with him.  He had fun at the football game on Friday too.  Dancing to the music.  

I got ditched....

after this video, he got up with one of his little friends and did more more energetic dancing.  Unfortunately, I didn't catch that part on my camera.  He sure does love the pep band music.  

Hope y'all had a great weekend.  Now off here to get ready for church and then a visit with Nanny and family.  :)