Now, on the flip side of this. Ex got married to the woman that he was seeing when we broke up. They planned a big, huge wedding. 7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen. They spent thousands of dollars on this big shebang. Invited everyone they knew. Except. My. Kids. Yes, you read right. They didn't bother to invite my kids. Both of hers were in the wedding. Mine weren't invited. They didn't even get a phone call from Ex letting them know that he was going to get married. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. I got to be the one to let them know that Ex had gotten married again. I should have told them before the fact but in my ignorance, I kept waiting. I kept thinking that he would make that call for himself and let them know what his plans were. He called several months AFTER the wedding. At that point and time, he hadn't spoken to the kids in over a year. They didn't even recognize his voice. He calls private name (god forbid the kids were to actually EVER have a number to reach him at) and for whatever reason, decides that he wants to talk to the kids that particular day. Of course he's 3 sheets to the wind - he's never managed to pick up the phone sober- and he can't even figure out which kid answers the phone. Makes it hard to figure out who it is when you haven't heard their voice in over a year ya know? (yes, that was very sarcastic! sorry) So after a few drunken ramblings of which the kids can make absolutely NO sense- their "new mom" wants to talk to them. Ok. The kids not only don't KNOW this girl- the older ones were with me when we accidentally found them in a compromising position (another story for another time) and she was definitely NOT on their most liked list. "Mom"? ummmmm- nope. The kids were NOT buying that title for her. They didn't want to talk to HER. Hey, I almost had to beat them by this point to get them to talk to HIM. So, when the kids refused to talk to her- let alone acknowledge her as "mom" or her kids as their new "brother and sister", he threw another drunken fit and hung up on them. He spouted off something along the lines of: "If you won't talk to your new mom and brother and sister than I don't want anything to do with you!" before hanging up. Nothing like trying to cram something down the kids throats. And said "new mom". Well, she's gone now too. She didn't last long. A couple of years and he cheated on her too. As well as new "mom"(s) 3 and 4. But #1 was the only one that tried to force something with the kids. We have never heard the voices of the other ones (might have something to do with the fact that Ex hasn't called in over 5 years?) But, that - to me- is quite a bit of a different story. That's where that "mom" moniker was totally being misused. Had my kids ever had a step-mom like the ladies who write the blogs I read- that would have been wonderful for them! But to get a "mom" like that- they would have had to have had a read "dad" and not just a sperm donor.
Just my opinion on the subject.
6 comments:
It's a shame that your Ex is so self involved that he is missing out on his kids lives. Tragic, but his problem, not theirs.
It makes me wonder...
Is having one crappy parent better then not having that one parent at all. Be it Dad or Mom?
My boys would say that it's better to just have 1 parent than to deal with a "crappy" one. With all the stuff that Ex has put them thru- they just don't want anything to do with him anymore. He's just a non-entity in their lives. I'm sure some people would disagree with them and with me but- in their case, not having to deal with them has sure saved them from having to go thru some bad experiences.
Thanks for the comment - and the food for thought!
The kids have called me "Mommy" every now and then, but to be honest, a title doesn't matter to me. They can me by my first name or by one of our many fun nicknames for each other. I don't really understand the war over the "Mom" word. For one thing, what is wrong with being called their stepmom? I am proud that I take care of them and have such a good relationship with them, and that affection is by choice, not biology. I'm far more concerned with their safety, well-being, and care than with what they call me.
Smirking Cat-
Thanks for commenting!
I was like that with my extras. And like you- more interested in the relationship itself than how it was labeled.
Thanks again for stopping by!
Good grief! Who even tries such a lamo thing?
I wouldn't mind if my kids called their step Mom (Mom) if they wanted to or if she deserved to be called that. But she wanted to be the only Mom in their lives and actually didn't want to share parenting them with me (Me, as in I am their bio Mom. My ex and I have had joint physical custody of our kids for years now)
I've been married to my 2nd husband for 9 years now. My kids actually consider him their 2nd Dad. My kids say they have 2 Dad's. They've questioned me about wanting to call my husband Dad and I said "No" at the time out of respect for their bio-Dad, a decision I now regret, but the relationship with my kids and their step Dad is super solid so I guess it doesn't matter anyway what he is called.
i am the mom-
I think that's that's it. When you do the job and take the responsibility and SHARE the parenting (or in some step-mom's cases they're doing it all for the biomom completely) then you've earned the title. And if the kids want to bestow the title upon the deserving individual then they've earned it.
My case was different and I'm glad you found amusement in the story. I have plenty more just like it. ;) In my case- she not only did anything to deserve the title- she sure did some things to make the kids NOT want to call her that. They didn't even want to talk to her- let alone give her that type of respect. But all cases are different.
Thanks for commenting!
Post a Comment