I am so very......

TIRED!

Maybe it's from being sick.  Maybe it's from being a single parent for the last 10 years.  Maybe it's from having teenagers.  Maybe it's because my car broke down and ruined my plans for Christmas.  Maybe it's just because I'm OLD.  Maybe it's because it's 31 degrees in TEXAS.  Maybe it's because my mom's not coming to visit this year.  Whatever the reasons- I'm absolutely suffering from a major depression.  

Maybe it's because I have teenage boys who - while I'm normally pretty good about letting things roll off my back and just dealing- are inconsiderate boobs sometimes and it's really getting to me.  The self-centered teenage-ness is just bugging the daylights out of me right now.  Ice Cube has done NOTHING but tear my head off for anything and everything since the stuff went down with Ms. R.  If I say "good morning"- then I'm "bugging" him.  And Little Man is bound and determined to run the car insurance up to where he's paying $200 a month I think.  He "bumped" into a girl today at the school.  Of course it wasn't HIS fault.  She shouldn't have walked in front of his car.  The fact that she was on a CROSS-WALK seems to have totally escaped him.  Did I mention that it's 31 degrees in TEXAS?   

And lets not forget the 1/3 of my monthly income that has gone to "fix" my car which still isn't fixed.  I'm sure everyone can imagine what that's done to my Christmas budget.  It started when I went to pick B up for physical therapy the other day.  I got about a block from the school and the car quit and wouldn't move.  The fuel pump went out.  $200 later- it had a new fuel pump and still wasn't running.  So, I called Cousin B- "replace the fuel filter" he tells me.  A new fuel filter and fuel injector cleaning later it's running worse.  The check engine light is on.  So, over to Cousin Bubs house to hook it up to the computer.  Another $60 later - it has new plugs and plug wires.  ITS STILL NOT FIXED.  Apparently, when I had them flush the injectors- all the gunk went into my cadalitic converter.  So now I get to replace that too.  Which definitely WONT be happening this month.  It runs.  Not well- but it runs.  So good enough.  

Anyhow- forgive me my pity party please!  I'm usually pretty good about just taking the cards and playing the hand- but I've been jumped, kicked around, and beaten down just one time too many today.   I am eternally tired of being the whipping boy every time something upsets one of my kids and they can't yell at who they're really mad at.  And I admit- every time this many things swamps me at once- I get a great big nasty attitude with SD.  Because normally, it's financially related and him owing me so much in back support and living so high on the hog while I struggle just makes my attitude worse.  ;)  

UGH!  I'm so grumpy I'm disgusted with myself.  Y'all have a good night- I'm off to bury my head in a hole somewhere.