Little Town in the middle of Nowhere, Texas, United States
I'm a mom of 4 boys: Jay who's 30, Jory who is 27, Tim is 25, and B is 23. I also have a daughter, Kristi who is 33. I have a grandson, Little Bit/Elmer, that was born in July 2009. I have a new grandson who was born in September of 2017. We moved from North TX to East TX on the land of our dreams in '09 and I love the peace and quiet. It's so nice to have trees again after 11 years of flat and hot. I enjoy hanging out with my friends. I'm a huge baseball fan. Some might even call me obsessed with the game. ;) My favorite teams are the Rangers and the Red Sox. Being a Red Sox fan makes life interesting as all 4 of my boys are Yankee fans. (Basically, I only started cheering for the Red Sox to give the boys a hard time and then actually became a fan) I'm a happily single (well...divorced) mom.
Well. First of all, I reeeeally dislike sentences that start with "If you loved me.." It's bullshit. Emotional blackmail. Love, real love, does not come with strings attached.No one should EVER have to jump through hoops to prove their love.
Second, I'm sorry you are having issues with your daughter. Sorrier still that she can not accept that some things take time to get over. And that she doesn't understand not everyone is willing to overlook being shat upon. Or cussed, or whatever.
Do what you gotta do. I pray your girl figures out what is what soon, and doesn't throw away a perfectly good mom....when so many of us don't have one.
I've heard "If you really loved me..." before. And if my husband puts his foot down about something, he's heard, "Then you can forget about me being your son!" Sometimes I wish we COULD forget.
Sorry you're having to deal with all of this. I think you're on the right track by ignoring and not playing into their games. You have enough on your plate without them adding drama to your life.
You daughter and Tom seem like a piece of work.... Everyone has issues, but it is pretty obvious that Tom's are exacerbated by drinking. And the fact that he acts that way towards you or the rest of the family is insane. They are lucky you guys are even giving them a second chance, and they are blowing it.
I'm so sorry hon. I know what you've gone thru with your ED. You're absolutely right! The "if you loved me" thing is total emotional blackmail. And I've fallen for it over time. But, I'm learning to step back and keep my sanity.
She has "another mom". She prefers Tom's mom to me. Tom's mom will talk about how they fight and lie and steal but yet still support them and let them live there, buy their cigarettes and food, and suffer in relative silence. Where as this mom would be telling them that if they want to smoke- go get a job. So, she is obviously "better" than I am as has been thrown in my face oh so many time. This is why it was so painful to even mention having a daughter for a while.
Sharon-
I've heard that one (you can just forget about having a son/daughter) too. As if we could forget. And, as you know, the pain would be a lot less if we could forget some days. Instead of the steady knife thru the heart torture that we suffer thru while they get their laughs out of knowing that they're hurting us. Its like a death though, the longer they play the silent treatment, the easier it is until a holiday or birthday comes along.
Thank you! Its so nice to see that people recognize what is going on when Tara can't see what's right in front of her face. And you're absolutely right. They were lucky to get a 2nd chance at all and there was no room for Tom to start in. And I believe he knew this and its more of his trying to control her. And he's getting what he wants by driving our family from her life. No one could cause this much family alienation unless they want to. So for all his claiming that he wants Tara to have a relationship with her family, his every action shows the exact opposite.
5 comments:
Well. First of all, I reeeeally dislike sentences that start with "If you loved me.." It's bullshit. Emotional blackmail. Love, real love, does not come with strings attached.No one should EVER have to jump through hoops to prove their love.
Second, I'm sorry you are having issues with your daughter. Sorrier still that she can not accept that some things take time to get over. And that she doesn't understand not everyone is willing to overlook being shat upon. Or cussed, or whatever.
Do what you gotta do. I pray your girl figures out what is what soon, and doesn't throw away a perfectly good mom....when so many of us don't have one.
I've heard "If you really loved me..." before. And if my husband puts his foot down about something, he's heard, "Then you can forget about me being your son!" Sometimes I wish we COULD forget.
Sorry you're having to deal with all of this. I think you're on the right track by ignoring and not playing into their games. You have enough on your plate without them adding drama to your life.
You daughter and Tom seem like a piece of work.... Everyone has issues, but it is pretty obvious that Tom's are exacerbated by drinking. And the fact that he acts that way towards you or the rest of the family is insane. They are lucky you guys are even giving them a second chance, and they are blowing it.
Dee-
I'm so sorry hon. I know what you've gone thru with your ED. You're absolutely right! The "if you loved me" thing is total emotional blackmail. And I've fallen for it over time. But, I'm learning to step back and keep my sanity.
She has "another mom". She prefers Tom's mom to me. Tom's mom will talk about how they fight and lie and steal but yet still support them and let them live there, buy their cigarettes and food, and suffer in relative silence. Where as this mom would be telling them that if they want to smoke- go get a job. So, she is obviously "better" than I am as has been thrown in my face oh so many time. This is why it was so painful to even mention having a daughter for a while.
Sharon-
I've heard that one (you can just forget about having a son/daughter) too. As if we could forget. And, as you know, the pain would be a lot less if we could forget some days. Instead of the steady knife thru the heart torture that we suffer thru while they get their laughs out of knowing that they're hurting us. Its like a death though, the longer they play the silent treatment, the easier it is until a holiday or birthday comes along.
Thanks for the support!
ESM-
Thank you! Its so nice to see that people recognize what is going on when Tara can't see what's right in front of her face. And you're absolutely right. They were lucky to get a 2nd chance at all and there was no room for Tom to start in. And I believe he knew this and its more of his trying to control her. And he's getting what he wants by driving our family from her life. No one could cause this much family alienation unless they want to. So for all his claiming that he wants Tara to have a relationship with her family, his every action shows the exact opposite.
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