Every so often, someone asks me about Tara.  For new readers, Tara is 26.  She was my daughter.  Tara is mentally ill and chose to self medicate rather than stay on the medications that the doctors had her on.  Her drugs of choice were many and she got into some really hard stuff (meth).  During these times, she met Tom and ex-con fresh from prison.  Tom is an alcoholic with many family violence charges on his public record.  After some incidents with Tom where the younger boys were endangered including one where I had to pick a 15 year old Little Man up from protective police custody in OK (where Tara and Tom were then living) at 3 AM on Mothers Day, I banned Tom from the house and from being around the boys.  So, we're talking more than 3 years ago.  Our last contact with Tara was over a year ago when she stole $200 from my purse and disappeared in the middle of the night.  Tom had thrown her out 6 months before and sent her walking down the road in 30 degree weather with nothing more than the clothes on her back and not even a coat.  Despite being warned by the boys that I was making a huge mistake and the history we had with Tara and her issues, I couldn't leave her out on the street.  The boys were right.  We went thru 6 months of getting her back on her meds and trying to help her - and we suffered thru her doing meth, threats of violence from Tom, and her bringing drugs into the house.  After 6 months of telling us what a loser Tom was and how he beat and abused her - she snuck out in the middle of the night to go back to him.  Something in me died that day.  I didn't recognize the person she had become.  The drugs and other choices she had made had turned her into someone that not only don't I know- I don't want to.  I hear about her from time to time.  People calling me to go "OMGosh - you won't believe what she's done now!".  I tell them "I'm sorry" and change the subject.  I just don't care anymore.  It's like hearing about a stranger.  I'm glad Tom hasn't killed her yet and I hope she's happy, but I just can't walk down that road anymore.

    As to how she's doing...  They were living in the garage of Tom's mom's house.  From what I was told, that is no longer.   They're now on the outs with Tom's side of the family too or so rumor has it.

     She didn't bother to show for her aunt's funeral when T passed.  Of course, she didn't bother to come with the boys and I when her Aunt Mary passed either.  I took the boys out of school and made the drive down.  She refused to go saying she didn't want anything to do with "those people".  So many times I made the trip from the metroplex to T's house so that our kids could play and know each other and every time, Tara took a huge fit to not go.  She "hated those people" as she always called them.  Didn't want anything to do with SD's side of the family.  Out of all the pictures I have of the birthday parties and trips that we all did together, Tara is in maybe 2 sets of them.  And both of the times that I forced her to come with, she was rude to her aunt and the cousins.  As a matter of fact, the last actual disagreement that T and I had was that she had banned Tara from being at her house which kept the boys and I from being able to visit too (because Tara was at a point with her drugs that she couldn't be left home alone).  Of course, T and I made up and I had to go back and tell T that she had been right but when T passed, Tara was still banned from there (over those same drugs).  Of course, SD didn't show up either but he didn't show for Mary's funeral either.  Something that T had never forgiven him for.  On a side note, on our way home from getting Elmer, we stopped and met up with Jace and visited for a bit giving him a chance to see the baby.  Jace and I discussed doing a family bbq and trying to get all the kids in the same place at the same time.  We'll see if we can pull that one off.  That would be a major feat if it could be accomplished.  Seriously, it hasn't been done since Mary's funeral 9 years ago.  Thank goodness for social networking as most of the cousins are friends on there at least now.

    Anyhow, to sum it up and for those who have been asking.  Tara is still alive as far as I know but no, we don't associate with her.  I try not to worry to much about her.  She chose this path.  She's where she chose to be living the life that she wanted.  If that life leads her down some rough paths, it's her choice.

     The rest of us muddle on making our own choices - right or wrong.  All you can do is to do the best you can with the information you have at hand at the time.  So long as you're giving your best - that's it.  So with the holiday season coming up and with my mom coming to visit, there will be an empty place in our family again this year.  And while the rest of us have learned to live with that - it's still hard on my mom.  She is so disappointed in Tara and the choices she's made.  Tara was my parent's baby.  The first grandchild.  And for years - the only girl.  And the favored grandchild.  This will be a bit of a different visit for mom.  Last time she made it down, Elmer was just over 6 m old.  This time he will be able to go do things with us.  To have fun and play.  We'll be able to do something with him.  It should be a good time and I can't wait!

Oh - I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaccccck.  lol

the calm

     before the storm.  I feel like things are just going too well.  The boys have been getting along.  Hurricane was able to drop everything to help his brother out when the bike broke down.  B has been working out on his pitching at night and either Ice Cube or Little Man have taken time to go help him.  They've hung out, watched movies together and played video games together.  No bickering, no nit picking, no talking smack about each other's women. 


     Well, I got that sentence typed before the tides began to change.  I went to the school to drop B up some lunch.  I guess IC got a call from Ruth.  Seems that her car payment is past due and she was calling him for help with it.  Either she takes the bank x amount of dollars by today or they repo her car.  Places don't like to take cars back.  So I think someone should probably call them and help her out.  Seriously, she made a double payment less than a week ago.  She can make another one in less than 2 weeks and be caught up.  They will usually work with you under those circumstances.  And her mom- the one that said "move to Austin, I'll buy you this and give you that and you won't have to work because I'll pay all your bills" - yeah.  Told her "tough"  Of course it took longer than I predicted before her mom threw her to the wolves but it happened.  That poor child has jumped thru hoops for years trying to live up to her mom's always changing standards.  Can you tell that I'm not a big fan of her mom?  Never have been.  I've watched her cry over stuff her mom has/hasn't done way too many times.  


    Additionally, I blew a belt in a tire on the way home.  Lovely.  I've been on the phone looking for a tire.  Finding one is easy.  Finding one I can afford- not so easy.  Oh and for those who might wonder, I took B left-overs from dinner last night for lunch.  We had sloppy joes so I made him a couple and wrapped them in foil and took them up there.  Not as healthy as I normally like but it's running towards the end of the month and I'm running low on some of my standard lunch stuff.  


     Well, glad I had a couple of days of peace before the clouds came back.  It's those times of peace that fortify us for the stormy days that come.  So today's advice to you:  Hold tight to those perfect moments.  No matter how small that time might be- grab it and treasure it and hang on for dear life.  You never know when the next storm or tragedy might be.  I have some good memories of times with Tara.  I take them out and remember what used to be.  The walks, the jamming to music in the car, talks we had.  All times that won't come back. Times that I won't have a chance to repeat.  She's taken her life down a different path and it's not one that we could travel together.  I hold tight to those times that we had.  And I do it with the boys too.  Because nothing in life is guaranteed.  You never know when something might happen.  It could be a fight with your teen (and believe me - those come with predictable regularity) and they're not being very loving or actually downright hateful.  You'll have that trip to the store when they gave you the gossip to remember that you're not always the hated bad guy.  Or the movie night when they were leaning up against your chair and just spending time with you to help you remember that you're not always going to be avoided like an english essay.  Or God forbid, you could lose someone important to you - those memories might be all you have to hold on to.  Nanny and I figured it out with the house.  Yesterday was the twins real birthday.  And I asked her how she was.  She said (and this is a sentiment that I have firmly believed in for years) "I didn't get any housework done this evening cause the twins were here.  I figure I can enjoy them while they're here and ignore the house or I can try to clean while they're here and be mad the whole time.  I'll clean up after they leave."  I clean while the kids are playing/in school/ at work (now)/ or busy doing their own thing.  And admittedly, it's easier to take this stance now that they're older and gone to school.  And for me- because I'm a SAHM.  But it was my motto during summers when the kids were home too.  They'd go out to play and I'd run thru the house cleaning like a mad woman.  I have a girlfriend that always stacks her dinner dishes in the sink after dinner and does them in the mornings.  She said - after dinner is my time to enjoy my husband and kids.  I'll do the dishes after they go to bed or in the morning.  Her kids are all gone to college now.  She has plenty of time to do the dishes now.  


    Hope y'all have a great day!

Accomplished

I beat my poor kids up yesterday. We got a lot accomplished though. And I managed to not knock myself out with pain in doing it. Poor Tara hurt more than I did. Of course, she didn't get much exercise living with Tom. She spent a lot of time online and well... a lot of time online.

So we had another go round with Tom's stupid tail yesterday. He called shortly after Tara had crawled out of bed. She took one look at the number and handed me the phone. Tom doesn't bother me like he does Tara. I don't have any emotional connection with him. I feel pity for him because he has nothing. He has no life, no love, no respect for himself or others. No one has any respect for him. He's a loser and he's worked really hard to put himself where he's at. For once, he was being civil. He said he just wanted to let her know that he had taken her printer, flash drive, and some other things of hers over to his moms and she could get them. I thanked him and told him that I would try to see if his sister or her wife would meet up with me while I was in town next. Mind you this sentence because it was the only mention of his sister or his sisters wife. Remember- sisters wife, Tonia I met once. I've talked to once. She asked permission to walk over to my car. Yes - asked permission because she was being polite. This was the day that Tara signed the papers for the divorce. Anyhow, I said I'd see if sister or Ton would meet up with me to exchange Tara's stuff. So, Tom kept making some small digs here and there about Tara's "boyfriend". The one she doesn't have. Now, she does have a very good online friend that's male. They talk. They have absolutely no plans to meet in person at this time. He seems like a nice guy. He listens to her and she needs that. Anyhow, Tom has it in his head that Tara is going to have sex with this guy. Yes, he's 1200 miles from here and they have no plans to meet but they're going to have sex. *yes, please read that sentence with all sarcasm intended*

Anyhow, I ignored all little digs and we were having a somewhat civil conversation. Tom kept telling me that no matter what anyone believed, he loved Tara. I told him things like - I'm sure they're both good people separately, but that together - they were poison. He said that he disagreed. He thought that they were good together but just grew apart. He really can't get it thru his head that his violence and abuse drove her away. That he destroyed her trust. He has it stuck in his head that she emotionally cheated on him with Mark. Which is true. She did emotionally cheat on him with Mark. But what he doesn't get is that it took himself 2 years of cheating on her with a bottle of alcohol, beating the hell out of her, and running her down all while not being there for her emotionally to drive her away. Anyhow, he said that he wanted to talk to her about the travel trailer. The travel trailer that she bought with her check I might add. Just like she bought and paid for the truck he's driving and the motorcycle that sits at his house. Well, she had mentioned that she wanted the travel trailer. And up to this point, he had been civil. Whiny as usual. Unable to accept responsibility for what he did to cause all this as usual but civil. So, I convinced Tara to take the phone to "talk about the trailer". Oh and that was my mistake.

As soon as Tom got her on the phone - it was right back to all the same BS that he spews every time he gets around her. Pity poor him. He's Mr. Perfect (in his own eyes even if no one else buys it). He just wanted to cut her down some more. He started throwing Mark in her face. He didn't want to "give her" the travel trailer ... you know the one that she paid for... to have sex with her boyfriend. The boyfriend that lives 1200 miles away. She reminded him who bought the travel trailer. He tried to tell her that he had supported her for 3 years. How she managed to keep from laughing in his face- I'll never know. And this is not - 2nd hand info from Tara btw- he was so loud- I could hear him from more than 10 feet away. She pointed out that he never supported anyone. His family did. His mom, his dad, his sister, his sister's wife - they all paid bills. Tom- the only thing he contributed was stolen property from his thieving sprees. Jobs? He managed to lose faster than he got them. After several minutes of listening to him talk stupid- I told her she needed to just go to court and ask the judge for a judgement as at this point Tom was telling her that he'd sell the trailer that she paid for and wanted. He told her she couldn't because she had signed papers. I told her - show up in court, tell the judge that he brought people with him when she met with him and was up in her face intimidating her. Something that the guy from the gas station would vouch for as he commented on Tom screaming in her face that day. Tom started running his mouth some more and I told her to just hang up. That he had no intention of giving her what she paid for and it was all more of him trying to manipulate her. She told Tom "you know what- the papers are signed and I don't have to talk to you anymore" and she hung up on him.

About 30 minutes later, Tonia is IM'ing Tara wanting to know why Tara is going to "file charges against her for intimidation"? We're like WTH? Where did this come from? Tom - of course. He went back and told his sister that we referred to her as a "fat bitch"- something that was never said. He couldn't admit that he screwed up. Can't accept responsibility for the fact that he called Tara, he started trouble, he tried to threaten her. He has to run back to his family and lie about the situation and the conversation to try and get them to feel sorry for him and get them mad at her. All I can say about them is- if they bought his load of lies then they deserve everything they get. Because the time is coming when he's going to implicate one or all of them in something illegal he's done. We're fairly sure that he is the one that hijacked Tara's yahoo email. That's defined as identity theft by some new fed law. We're having it all investigated. If he did it from the IP address that goes to his mom's house, charges will end up being filed on the owner of the bill. Maybe then they'll catch on. Did Tonia believe Tara when she said that it never happened? No idea. If she didn't - her loss.

Results of it all. I loaned Tara the money yesterday to get her new phone. The old one- gone. Still has about 2 weeks on it but she'll only turn it on to call or check for messages from school. Her school check should be in in about a week. She'll pay me back then.

In other positive news... The boys dug the holes for the 2 peach trees yesterday. They're planted. The 2 pepper plants we had left to plant. They're in the pot too. The bathroom. The half of the bathroom that's taped off - first and second coat. The bedroom - 3 walls first coated. Tara learned to paint with a roller yesterday. She is learning so many things. Learning to be self sufficient. She has moved on. Tom is holding on. We, as a family, are moving on. Building and being productive. And we accomplished a lot yesterday. I'm proud of all of them!

This was not smart

It has been an irritating day for me. Totally!

Bringing Tara here to old town - not a good idea. Tom has taken full advantage of the fact that she's this close to play the manipulation game to the fullest. Its a constant barrage of texts (despite the police report filed), phone calls and emails. He plays upon her emotions and constantly plays the blame game. He's done "everything that she wanted him to do" don't ya know. And it doesn't matter how many times she ignores him or tells him that it's "too little - too late" he can't seem to get it thru the single brain cell in his head. He wants her back. What he doesn't realize is that ... He blew it. He can't seem to understand that she signed the divorce papers. She isn't going to go back. No matter how he tries to pull at her heart strings- she's not willing to give up all that he cost her all over again. And like I told her- if he loved her... he'd quit trying to force the issue. What he wants is impossible. His actions have made it so. Even if she could forgive him for the emotional and physical abuse that she suffered at his hands and even were she so gullible to believe that it would never happen again - she's not willing to lose her brothers again. And they... They can't stand the site of him. And even Tara isn't willing to let Tom anywhere close to Elmer.

Tom is a bully. All his domestic violence charges - violence against children, the elderly, and women. He has attacked a 16 year old with a beer bottle, put an elderly man in the hospital (actually, I believe that was twice), chased a 15 year old with a knife, went after his ex-wife with some sort of weapon while his kids were in the house (he excuses that as being ok because the kids were sleeping), etc... Our greatest fear when Tara was with them was waiting for the call to tell us that he had hurt/killed her. He doesn't love her. He just can't stand that the fly got out of the spiders net. Its all a control issue. He doesn't understand that I could let go of Tara to go with him if that's what she wanted because I love her. Also because I loved her, I couldn't stand to sit back and watch him be miserable with him. Watch him tear her down and beat the joy, curiosity, and life out of her. She told him tonight even- everything had to be your way or the highway. She made the mistake of asking for a copy of the tax returns which she needs for school. Well, yes, he'll give them to her but only if she'll go over and hang out with him for a bit. She'll end up having to chase them down from the IRS.

Although, I was pleasantly surprised by a conversation I had with his sisters gf. She is the only one in that family that I have met that has been polite. She was interesting to talk to, non-judgemental, and friendly. Way different than any experience I have had when speaking to any member of Tom's family. She is married into the family like Tara was though- not a birth member. She is the one that brought the divorce papers over to my car and was going thru them with Tara for Tara to sign. Tom had made this big deal over I better not go within 5 feet of him when I took Tara to meet him or he would leave with her stuff. Well, then he wanted to walk over to my car. HA HA HA. Nope. He wanted to be a jerk and threaten to steal her stuff if I walked within 5 feet of him- that means he doesn't walk over and try to talk to me. Like I would ever want to hear any more lies coming out of his mouth anyhow. (you know - cause the current major lie is how much he has changed yet he is still manipulative, wants everything his own way and won't listen to a word that anyone has to say or admit that he ever caused any of this or did anything wrong). Anyhow, I will formally admit that although I still believe that Tom is doing his best to suck his family including the SIL into this situation - Tonia seems to have cared enough about Tara to listen and talk and not blindly believe all lies. And I really can't fault the SIL for having misconceptions about some of this when she has never heard anything but the lies that Tom constantly spews about me, my kids, and his pity poor me I am abused and innocent BS that he is so convincing at throwing out. I do hope that the sisters gf does not buy all the garbage he spews and is intelligent enough to realize that there is way more than one side (or two sides) to every story and that Tom manages to leave the truth out any time that said truth doesn't make him look like the injured party. Tom has yet to admit the damage he caused with his drunken rage and chasing Little Man around as a 15 year old child with a knife threatening to kill him. The nightmares and trauma caused by those actions have never been resolved.

In other news, it is my birthday this week. A fact that my children (or most of them at least) tend to forget 90% of the time. Or when convenient for them at least which is at least 90% of the time. I know one year, I did get a coffee pot for my birthday. Funny thing about that though- I have never ever in my life ever drunk coffee. *giggles* The kids all do though. I don't do tea either or any other type of hot drink that would involve using a coffee pot. B actually wanted to leave town and go back home today rather than being here for my birthday. I am most unpopular for saying no. Well, off to wait on texts from Kou to let me know what's up with American Idol tonight. Ice Cube still hasn't gotten his TV hooked up and I am tvless here. Bad thing for a tv addict like this old lady.

Tara's birthday

So we're sitting here watching American Idol tonight. It's Tara's birthday and she's been feeling ill since last night. Despite that, I think she's had a good birthday. Ice Cube and Ruth gave her $20 for her birthday and she was so excited that they remembered. I got her a new phone card for her phone. As soon as the old one runs out, she's going to change to the new one and change her number. I think she's happy now. So, pardon this short message to her....

Tara, I know you read. 25 years ago today I gave birth to my only girl. My princess. The only one of my kids who is as involved with books as I am. The child the most like me. Maybe that's why we've clashed so many times over the years. You were my "experiment". The one I learned with. I was so young when I had you and knew so little. I hadn't learned yet to let go and let my kids make their mistakes. I tried to "protect" you to death. I'm glad that you still felt safe enough to pick up that phone and call when you were walking down the road a week ago. My wish for you this year is to take the time to heal. You can do anything with your life that you want to! Take your time. Figure out what you'd like to do. What will make you happy and then go for it. Happy Birthday kid. May the coming year be better than the last.

So, Tara got a nice birthday present from Ice Cube and Ruth. They let us keep Mr. Precocious for a few more days. Ruth is working double shifts the next 2 days and Ice Cube has 10 hour days. So, we get a couple of extra days with my sweet boy. My mom is giving us a hard time saying it's not fair that we get to spoil him and she doesn't. I will say that I still can't get over how good the boys are with him. They jump up and make bottles and change diapers and have no problem playing with him. We got him a blow up ducky bath tub today. It has a temperature sensor in it and the beak has something in it that quacks. He had a blast playing in it tonight. The boy absolutely loves playing in the water. We got him a little rubber ducky to play with in the tub and he had a great time.

My car decided to give me a few gray hairs today. I got home from picking up baby food and the bath and a few other necessities and took the keys out when I unloaded the car. So, then Little Man, who is being so helpful today, runs out and is going to change my oil for me. He goes to put his key in the ignition and the key won't go in. According to popular opinion, the consensus is that the tumblers broke in the ignition. Cost- somewhere over $300. I'm still in shock. Hoping that the dealership doesn't take me for too big a ride. So, wish me luck all! But, I will tell you all. B offered me his birthday money. Tara offered to take her phone card back and give me the money for that and Little Man told me that if he had any money, I'd be welcome to it. So, my kids... They're great!

Happy Birthday Tara! Hope the next year brings you much joy!

smiles

Despite a popular belief that I have that I talk to myself most of the time and that my children have absolutely nothing between their ears to stop the words I spew, I found today that at least some of it sticks. For one, My daughter finally blocked Tom from her favorite online site. She has to leave one email where he can contact her about the divorce but she left him an email that he can't bug her on. She also emailed him and let him know that she wouldn't be discussing anything other than the divorce and all other attempts at contact would be ignored. I also heard her parroting my words back to one of her friends who is in a similar situation. I had to bang my head on my hand and ask her if I was hearing a repeat from this morning. Do you know that she was so very rude as to laugh at me? I mean really?

So there's new on the SD front. I didn't get my big $17 child support check last month. Seems that SD and M (crazy GF) were on a 2 week vacation to FL and a trip to Disney. Yes, I know the irony right? He won't pay the child support that's ordered. Pays a measly $17 a month in child support but can afford a 2 week vacation in FL. So word has it that Crazy M got caught cheating on him. Texting a guy while they were in TN on their way home. SD threw her cell phone in the river. They got home and he told her to get out. Now, this is bad on several counts. Its been no secret that I have wanted SD to get his act together and be a dad. But SD, as he is now- is not anyone that I would even care to have around the kids. The alcohol and drug use isn't something I need around the kids at all. Nor the cocaine that he's so fond of. Now, this has not been an issue as for the last 5 years, SD has been happy to ignore the fact that he has kids. However, if he and Crazy M break up and she takes her kids away, he'll remember that I have kids. Kids who actually share his DNA. And that could be a headache in the making for me. Of course, all I have to do to get him to quit calling again is to stick one of the kids on the phone. Once they tell him his faults as they see them in all their teenage maturity (read with all sarcasm here) and bluntness - he'll hang up and not call again for another year or so. There's a plan!

When Ruth and Ice Cube left yesterday, they were so kind as to leave something of theirs behind for a few days. And folks, I won't even embarrass myself as to tell you how we begged and pleaded for more time with their most precious belonging. So, I hope you all enjoy seeing what's below as much as we enjoy our time with our youngest family member.

Nope he's not ornery at all!

That sly grin

Sitting up like a big boy

What? I didn't do it grandma.... I swear!

Trying to get aunt Tara's computer

Gotta love that tail sticking up in the air

Keep smiling!

Tom strikes again.....part 2

As we were waiting for the officer to arrive, Tara and I were talking. She is so ready to be done with this whole mess and just never have to speak to him again. He is still sending her email after email of please come back to me I promise I quit drinking make me throw up stupidity. So far today, she has gotten over 10 emails that she could care less to read. He sent her one telling her that he took her things to Ice Cube's house but that was a lie.

When Office Nice showed up, he was so great and understanding. He started the report and then called Tom from his work phone. He told Tom that should he call Tara's phone being ugly again, then they could issue a warrant for his arrest and that they would come pick him up.

No sooner did Officer Nice hang up with Tom, than Tara's phone started ringing. It was Tom's mom, Bonnie. We ignored the first call and she called right back. Tara looked at the phone and handed it to me. I looked at it and sighed. Officer Nice held out his hand and I put the phone in it. You could hear Bonnie yelling as soon as he answered it. He said: "ma'am, is your son over 18? *pause while she responded* and then "then I don't have to discuss any of this with you". Click.

Bonnie immediately called back. Officer Nice advised that we ignore it which we did. Bonnie left a ranting voice mail which we were kind enough to play for the kind officer.

We went on to the report taking and Officer Nice asked me to write out a statement. 2 pages folks. Officer Nice told me to make sure I put all the foul language and smack talking into the statement. While I was writing, I was trying to keep my thoughts together. Little Man came home. Despite being asked multiple times to either be quiet or go to his room, he was hyper and kept interrupting. Officer Nice was not amused and took him out onto the porch to have a little chat with him. LM was mad to say the least. He doesn't at all like Officer Nice as much as Tara and I do. Tough luck for him. He had everything the officer said coming to him and probably more. Shortly after his talk with LM, Officer Nice got a message from dispatch to call Bonnie again. He said she was much nicer that call. He was not amused with either Bonnie or Tom. He saw exactly what it was that we had been dealing with and I'm fairly sure that they made our case better than we could have ever done.

Officer Nice was going to attach Tom's criminal record to my statement and turn it over to the prosecutor and the judge. No idea what will happen from there. Tom has only called once since then and Tara sent it to voice mail. Her clothes are I'm sure already gone.

On a more cheerful note... I had one of those almost perfect moments last night. Ice Cube and Ruth were here with the baby. Little Man, B, and Tara all here. Everyone gathered in the family room interacting, playing around, getting along and playing with the baby. We all watched a movie together. If only Hurricane had been here it would have been perfect. No drama. No fighting. Some rough housing but that's to be expected whenever 2 or more of my boys are together. They still like to rough house and wrestle and just play around. And that works for me.

Ice Cube and Ruth left today and left Little Bit here with me for a few days. We had to make a run to pick up diapers and formula as they had only brought enough to get them thru until they had planned to head home. Tara and I were in the front seats. Little Man and B were in the back seat with the baby in his car seat between them. The boys were singing some country song and jamming away singing and hamming it up with the baby. Tara and I looked at each other and just grinned. It was one of those perfect moments in time that you just want to freeze the frame. With 5 kids, those moments where no one is arguing or no drama - they're few and far between. And Tom's drama has come between Tara and her brothers for so long that it's been about 3 years since we've had any of those real family moments.

Of course, Tom is begging Tara to go back. He's willing to promise her the moon and the stars if she'll just "give him another chance". He doesn't quite get what all he took from her or how unwilling she is to give it up again. I'm not real willing to give it all up again either so I sure hope she stands firm.

Tom strikes again.....

Well, I spoke too soon. I had so hoped that Tom was going to take the mature route and act human. Ok, quit laughing now. My optimism was admirable.

So, last night, Tara's phone rang private number. I answered it and it was Tom's mom, Bonnie. She wanted to talk to me about an address so that Tom could send Tara divorce papers. Optimistic I may be but I do not have fool tattooed on my forehead. I told Bonnie that I would meet up with her when I was in town this month and pick up the papers. She started trying to tell me that all wasn't Tom's fault and that Tara wasn't perfect. I shut off her rant when I agreed with her that there were faults on both sides. I wasn't interested in getting in a discussion about any of it with her. I just wanted to address the issues and be done. I told Bonnie that when we met up, I would like to pick up the rest of Tara's clothes that Tom had and Tara's personal belongings. Bonnie claimed to have no idea that Tom had any of Tara's things. I told her that I understood that she didn't know but that I was letting her know that Tom had not returned any of Tara's street clothes or personal belongings and that I would like to pick them up when I met up with her for the papers. She said that the divorce could be quick and easy and cheap as the kids had nothing to contest. I said that yes, it could be as the only thing that we had to contest was Tara's personal belongings and so long as we got those back, there was no reason that this couldn't be over quickly. Everything was very civil and could have been over with that.

Less than 5 minutes later, Tara's phone rang again. It was Tom. We thought we'd try what worked Friday night. Me answering and telling him that she wasn't going to get on the phone. That worked Friday night and we hadn't heard from him in 48 hours. I answered and Tom asked for Tara. Tom's first sentence was "She'll get on the phone if she wants her shit back". Gotta love the attitude and the language there don't we? I told him that we weren't going to play this game. That Tara did not have to talk to him to get her stuff back. I told him that he was not going to hold her things hostage to force her to talk to him. He kept saying that if she wanted her "shit" that she'd get on the phone. Then he tells me that Tara needs to grow up and stop hiding behind her mommy. I started laughing and told him that was really funny coming from someone who had just had his mom call here 5 minutes previously. As he spitted and sputtered trying to pull his foot out of his mouth the only thing he could come up with was some more profanity. He kept telling me that I "would put Tara on the phone" and I kept telling him that it wasn't going to happen. At this point - I was amused. Thoroughly and totally. Mr. big, bad bully wasn't getting his own way and he was beside himself. After a few more f-bombs being dropped around and him calling me a female dog a few more times, I told him that I didn't have to listen to his mouth or his threats anymore. Then I hung up on him.

This idea was of course, too much for his single brain cell to handle and the phone immediately rang back. Being the ornery person that I am and still amused with his stupidity at this point, I answered. As I picked up the phone, I was telling Tara that I was about done with him and that I was very close to filing harassment charges on him. His first words to me: "Are you really?" I told him yes, I sure was. That he had been repeatedly told to quit calling her number and that we were done with the whole game. He then tried to tell me that Tara's "shit" was already gone. I was so calm folks. I told him "fine, then you owe her a new wardrobe". And then he back tracks and tells me that we can't prove that he didn't already return her clothes. I laughed at him. He went back to the old argument of "if she wants her stuff back, then she'll get on the phone." I told him that threats were illegal and I was about to hang up and file charges. He claimed that he wasn't threatening anyone. I pointed out that him threatening to destroy her personal property if she didn't do what he wanted most certainly was a threat and that I was done. He hung up.... finally

I hung up and told Tara that she needed to call and get a report on file - not charges but a report. That way, when we went to court, there would be a record of all the threats and stupidity. She originally called the police department from Old town where they lived. Old town referred us over to the police department here. I called the non-emergency number, asked to file a report. And we waited for the officer to arrive.

to be continued....

sunday ramblings

B is due home today. This makes mama very happy. I have missed my baby dreadfully. Not to mention, there have been occasions where his brothers aren't very respectful of the rules that I have set. Now, when called out on this, I always hear "yes mom, I understand" and "it will never happen again". Because I was born last night and I so believe them right?

So, I got most of my strawberry plants in the ground yesterday. I still have a dozen left but those will be done today. I just need Little Man to move the other big tote that I am going to use. My next project will be tomato plants. I'm planning on getting some thorned blackberry or raspberry plants to use as a natural fence. Not only do they make a great natural fence line, they're pretty, they smell good, and then we get good things to eat. One of the things I have yet to find, is no sugar added raspberry or blackberry jam.

Little Man's work is still not giving him the hours that he wants or needs. So he is once again on the great job search. He's in on the computer working on a school test right now.

Ruth and Ice Cube are doing well. They are finally starting to come out on top. They have dug out of the hole of horrible debt that they got into when they moved back to old town. They are saving to buy a 2nd car right now. Little Bit is doing well. He's 8 months old now. He's crawling all over the place. He can take the walker all over the house. He loves to clap and thinks its abuse when he's not the center of attention. Of course, with his doting uncles - he usually is the center of attention. They are bringing B home tonight so I am going to get to see the sweet baby if only for over-night.

B and Ice Cube are at the game room with Little Bit while Ruth is at work and then they're all headed this way.

Hurricane and Donna were over at IC's house last night. B was wrestling with Hurricane. Things seem to be moving along in that area. I haven't really asked. It seems safer. Hurricane turned 22 on Friday. I held to my word and didn't go that way for his birthday. It was hard.

Tara's situation is settling down I think. She has her moments where she really misses parts of her life with Tom. Not the bad things! Things like waking up with someone. We haven't heard from Tom since Friday night when Tara informed him that he needed help. She told him that he needed counseling, drug and alcohol counseling and to learn to be a father to his kids. She told him that she couldn't help him anymore. Then she told him good bye and hung up the phone. When he called back, she handed the phone to me. Tom asked to speak to her and I told him that she didn't want to talk anymore right then. He asked me if she was done. I told him that I didn't know. He told me that I did know. I told him that she said she was but that I wasn't in her head and therefor could only go off of what she said. He asked me to tell her that he was sorry so I told her. Her response: "ok". He told me that I must be glad that I finally got what I wanted. I told him that all I had ever wanted was for Tara to be happy and that if he had acted right and done that then it would have been all good with me. He started getting belligerent and started calling me names and cussing and I told him that I didn't have to listen to it. Then I told him that I was hanging up and that I'd ignore any other calls that he made that night and hit the pretty little off button. He hasn't called back since. We can only hope that he finally caught on and will quit calling but I'm not a holding my breath. I imagine that we'll be dealing with the occasional drunken outburst until she changes her pre-paid phone card and changes the number. His mom and sister both tried reaching her for the first few days but when she didn't answer to them, they eventually quit trying. Tara did respond to an email from his mom and thanked his mom for everything that she had done for

her over the years. Tom's mom was good to Tara. Tom's mom supported Tara more during her marriage to Tom than Tom did. That's just sad.

Well, Tara put a cake in the oven. I'm going to go mop the kitchen floor while its baking. She's helping me get things done around here. It's been a rough week and I am behind on my regular things. Doctor's appointments and planting have cut into my tv time you know?

Keep smiling!

And yes I have more drama....part 3

Ruth had to be at work at noon that day. I was going to give her till 10:30 and then wake her up. We didn't make it. We heard the rumble of an engine and I watched Tara's face turn pale. She said it sounded like Tom's truck. She peeked out the window and ran to lock the door. I stopped her. I handed her the baby and told her to go to the back of the house. She was so scared. I opened up the door and Tom was getting out of the truck. I told Tom that we weren't going to have any trouble here and he needed to leave. And then I shut the door and locked it. Tara went down the hall when I told her and she woke her brother up. Ice Cube (IC) and Ruth came down the hall. Tom was standing out there saying that he had Tara's clothes. That he didn't want to start any trouble - he just wanted to give her her clothes. IC told her to just leave her stuff on the porch and that they were calling the police. I had to make my son let me out the door at this point. He didn't think it was safe. He may have been right but I had two reasons for going out the door.

The first reason I had for going out there was that I knew that if (and that was a big if at that point) Tom really had brought any of Tara's stuff over - he would drive away before he unloaded it. The other thing is. Tom knows I'm not afraid of him. He is an insecure bully. He only tries to terrorize people who are afraid of him. I have faced those demons long ago (like 11 years ago). I've done a lot of soul searching since then. I long ago decided that no one would ever lay their hands on me again like that and Tom - by far does not scare me as far as what he might do to me. I worry about what he would do to the boys. Tom knows that I am stronger than he is. Not physically. But emotionally - mentally - stronger willed. And that scares him. It's one of the reasons that he has always wanted to keep Tara away from me. He knew from day 1 that I saw right thru him. I knew his song and dance and didn't buy one word of it. And he knew that I had walked away from someone so much like him that it was commented on repeatedly.

I told the kids to lock the door behind me. An order that IC and Ruth refused to follow of course. I went out and the first words that Tom said to me were "Wow Amy, you look good now that you lost all that weight.". I laughed. Now later, Tara told me that she was offended for me. I wasn't offended at all. I was and am highly amused. See - for ever pound that I have lost, Tom has gained at least 2. I told Tom thank you and started pulling the garbage bags out of the back of the truck. There were 3 of them. 2 that were still tied up and one, and of course it was the one with all her make up and hair stuff in it - was all over the back of the pick up truck. A man was helping me unload them (I later found out it was his uncle) while Tom stood there and told me how important Tara was to him. I couldn't even tell you what all he was saying because all I hear when he talks is blah blah blah. Lie. blah blah - lie lie blah. Uncle and I were making trip after trip trying to gather up all the make up, hair spray, etc that was all over the back of the truck.

The guy that lives in the motor home next door to IC and Ruth came out about then and said that Tom had disconnected his extension cord and crashed his computer. A simple "I'm sorry" would have sufficed at that point but that's not Tom's way. He started cussing and screaming at the gentleman. And folks, I'm telling you that this man is at least 60 years old. An old feeble type of guy who was merely stating that his stuff had gotten disconnected. Like I said - Tom is a bully. IC at this point started going off on Tom telling him that there was no reason for the language and the cussing that Tom was screaming at this old man. The f-word was a part of every other word coming out of his mouth. Uncle was very nice and polite and thanked me for my help. I was thinking it was really nice of him to be doing this at all. IC and Tom of course got into it and Tom started threatening IC screaming "you're not under 18 any more". That's when I had to (yes, I did have to say this. It was mandatory!) that having the kids under 18 never stopped him before or did he not remember what happened with Little Man in OK. Snide? Yes! True? Also yes! Me saying something had Tom spitting and sputtering which effectively shut him up long enough for uncle and I (by this time Ruth had given me a bag to put things in) to finish getting Tara's stuff out of the truck.

When we finished, Tom was still trying to tell me that I "didn't understand". That he just wanted to tell Tara this or that. Ruth finally spoke up and told him that she was sure Tara had heard him as the walls weren't that thick. He started trying to ask to see her. Saying that he'd give her the bank card if she'd just come outside. I told him that I would be happy to give her anything that he wanted her to have but it was time for him to leave now. That she was not going to come out and so it was time for him to go. He got into his truck (without leaving her any money of course) and tore out of the drive fishtailing it the whole way. Now, for anyone who thinks that he would have actually handed her cash, all I can say is : HAHAHAHAHA Wasn't going to happen. As a matter of fact, what he was offering her was her bank card back and we have since found out that he had closed that account the day before. So, that was nothing more than an excuse to try and get her out in the open. Just as showing up with a few bags of her stuff.

As far as what he brought. He brought her some night clothes and some under things. No shirts. No jeans. No outside clothes at all. He brought her make up and stuff out of the bathroom but none of her pictures. None of her things that she got for Christmas. None of her personal stuff. But he did bring her toothbrush. And we are grateful that we got any of it. Because every thing that he did give us - is one less thing that we have to replace now.

After Tom left, we all settled down and had a nice brunch. Ruth left for work. Tara and I left and headed back to my home. A place that she had never seen before. A new beginning or a new scare. She is working to adjust. She feels like she failed. A feeling that I can't miraculously make go away. I know that she didn't fail. She needs to work past it. Every day that goes by that she doesn't answer his calls or call him - is one more day of her gaining strength and self respect. Of her getting stronger. A day that she made it thru. I told her to take it "one day at a time" and if that were too much than take one minute at a time. She put the saying "one day at a time" on her cell phone to remind her.

I wish that were the end of it. I wish Tom had quit calling. I wish he were leaving her alone and all was good. But, none of that would be true. So, we keep taking it - one day at a time.

And yes I have more drama....part 2

Within the hour, B and I were in the car heading for old town or where Ice Cube lives which is fairly close. Ruth and I spoke frequently on the trip on the way in. She wanted me to text when I got there so she knew I was there. I'm sure she felt better knowing I was coming as I have been very close to both them and the baby and I am really familiar with his schedule after having him just the previous weekend.

Tara IM'd me on the way in (B was typing in my answers) and she was getting antsy. Worried about being there alone. Worry about what Tom might do. Worry about all the BS that he spent the last 3 years putting in her head. All the nasty, evil things that abusers tell their victims to keep them controlled. And Tom, is an abuser. He's manipulative, controlling, and insecure. He makes himself feel better by running down and bullying people who are smaller and weaker than he is. And Tara, she bought into his "everything is your fault" hook, line and sinker. If she can make it thru the first couple of weeks without going back to him, she'll be well on her way to recovery.

I got there and she was happy to see me. My grand baby was happy to see me. At that point, Tara's phone was quiet. Of course, by then - it was dead. No charger remember? We didn't hear from Tom at all on Saturday but Sunday morn.... Oh that was a different story!

It all started when Tara logged on to her IM account Sunday morning. There was a whole page of offline messages from Tom. He "can't live without her" She's his "heart and life". He's "going to change for real this time." She was so disgusted she didn't even know what to say. She told me "mom, he always says he's going to change and he does for a day or two but then it's right back to the same old stuff". So, I told her to tell him. And the response went something like this: Tom, its never going to change. You always say it will and it never does. It would be nice if you would take my clothes and drop them off at Ice Cube's house. He will make sure that I get them. I am leaving on a bus today.

Tom was showing offline when the message was sent. Obviously he wasn't because it only took about 30 seconds for it to start. She "can't do this". Please come over and get money and the truck. Please come back to him. Just talk to him. If she hadn't of "made him so mad" then none of this would have happened. She didn't want to see it at all. She was busy talking to other friends. She told Tom that she was logging off. She minimized his window and ignored it for other, healthier conversations and friendships.

We thought that might be the end of it for the day. We were wrong.

to be cont....

And yes I have more drama....

Well, hope everyone had a good weekend. Mine was ultimately .... interesting. Friday night my cell phone rang from a number that I didn't recognize. I answered it and a breathless voice on the other end said "

Thank God!" Then I heard mumble mumble Ice Cube's phone number and ...oh do you even know who this is?"

I said "yes, this is Tara".

She said "I'm so glad you remember my voice".

Come to find out that my child was walking down the road in under 40 degree weather in nothing more than a pair of sweats and a t-shirt with nothing more to her name than her laptop (which her school work is on) and an almost dead cell phone. She wanted to know if I thought either of her brother's might pick her up and give her a ride somewhere. Where? She wasn't really sure about that. All she could tell me thru the borderline hysteria was that Tom had ordered her to leave. They argued. Tom picked up the phone and was going to call his mom and sister to bodily remove her. He refused to let her get any of her clothes or personal belongings and sent her down the road. Which is when she called me. I called Ice Cube and asked if he would do me a favor and go pick up his sister. He had no car. Ruth was at work with it. I called our old neighbor, Sharon to see if by chance she could pick Tara up. Sharon was at home with the 2 grandkids and couldn't leave until their mom got off work. I called Tara back to let her know to keep walking towards our old house. While I was on the phone with her, some lady pulled up. The lady was kind enough to Tara a ride to Sharon's house. From there, Hurricane picked her up and took her to Ice Cube's. By this point, her phone was dead and you know he didn't let her carry the charger out the door.

She hung out Friday night with her brothers (Ice Cube and Hurricane) and Donna. Ruth was working. Sharon looked around her house to see if she had a charger that would fit Tara's phone as did Hurricane and Ruth when she got home. Ruth even went up to her dad's to see if he had one in the massive box of old phone equipment that he has. Friday night, Tom blew her phone up for a while. Then Ice Cube answered the phone and told Tom that Tara was "busy". He also took out some of his pent up anger and dislike of Tom in that phone call. From what I hear- he wasn't the nice, sweet young man that I usually see. In other words .... He was a total ass. See, that's what Tom used to tell the boys when they'd call to talk to her. After that Tom quit calling. For the night.

She and I were chatting on one of those IM sites Sat morning and she was going to watch the baby while Ruth picked up an extra shift. Ice Cube and I had been bouncing back and forth about how to get Tara from there to here. I wasn't sure if they could meet up with me. We were doing the great debate trying to figure out how to get her from there to here. See - with Tom's violent streak, leaving Tara at Ice Cube's house = bad idea. The 2 houses were only about 5 miles apart. I was worried about Tara watching the baby with a dead phone for fear that Tom would show up and start trouble. So, when Tara mentioned in passing that she wished I would just come in there for the night and get her.....

Well, I woke B up and asked him what he thought about a trip to Old Town for the night.

to be cont....

controversy?

What a day. Nothing abnormal. Nothing unusual. I don't know what part of today kicked my tail. But I consider it well and truly kicked. This was a fairly normal day. Take care of dogs, cat, ferret, get rid of the guinea pig body, take care of the chickens and make sure they have plenty of food, water, and warmth before the bad weather hits us. Yeah - and I know all my friends on the east coast are saying "finally!". We are supposed to start getting it tomorrow. I have the boys bringing firewood in tonight to get things ready. I dealt with dishes, laundry, kids, straightening up and school work. I didn't do any heavy lifting (its against my religion). I also went thru the 7 pages of fax from the insurance company for what they are paying to fix from the flood of a month or so ago (remember, flood- Little Man - drowned back hall, bath and bedroom). I'm hoping that by doing a lot of the work ourselves, we can maybe fix a few other odds and ends at the same time.

I see so many people writing and emailing about visitation. How much is "right" to share with the child's other parent about your plans with the children when it's "your" time. Do you "owe" the other parent any explanations? Do they "owe" you. At what point does that line begin. How about with common courtesy. Its like I tell my kids. Its not so much that you have to ask permission when I know what your plans are. But I do require the courtesy of a phone call when you go from place to place. Its a courtesy thing. Now, when you go thru a divorce, you obviously don't need to tell the ex when you go to the grocery store or out for dinner or about any other normal plans. But, don't you think that if the child gets sick on your watch, or you're taking your children out of town on vacation or on a cruise, don't you think then it would be nice to give the other parent a heads up? You don't need their permission. It's not that you owe them an explanation. Its a courtesy thing. I mean, if y'all were still together- you'd obviously tell the other parent where you were going if you were leaving town right? And this especially goes for custodial parents. Guys - when 2 adults divorce, the divorce is between the parents. Not the kids.

I finally gave my ex's family an earful about this same subject a few months ago. SD and I divorced. I left their family. Not my kids. It really sets my red headed temper off when they treat my kids like they died. My kids are here. They're healthy, happy, semi-normal individuals. My marriage died. Not my kids. Yet, for 11 years now, they have been totally ignored. Not a single card. Not a call. They're not notified when people marry (not even SD) or when people die (not even when they lost their grandma). My cell phone number - hasn't changed. My address? I've made sure they had it up until I moved this year. I called his mom on Mothers Days and her birthdays. I sent cards to his nieces and nephew. I sent pictures. I kept his family in the loop. I have had no way to reach SD directly, but I did keep his family in the loop. And yes, I even let them know when I was taking the kids out of town. I even spent over a month tracking SD down when I took the kids on a cruise and was taking them out of the country. I didn't need passports so I didn't need his permission. For that matter, I don't need his signature for pass ports for the kids. I got word back to his mom when I took the kids to Yellowstone. I contacted his family when I went back to IN to see my family. Did I contact him? Absolutely not. I couldn't. I didn't know where he was or a phone number. He moves frequently to avoid child support. He has informed all his family that I am not to be given his number.

I got a text from my ex sis-in-law this morning. His baby sister. The one he's closest to. She sent me a forward. She obviously knows my number. Yet, when Little Bit was born - not a word. Not a card. Well, I called her to make sure she knew. She told me to let Ice Cube know that she and her mom were sending a package. I told her that I'd let it be a surprise. That way if something "came up" and the package never came- Ice Cube wouldn't be hurt again. Guess what? No package. Little Bit is 7 months old now. Well, I texted her back today. First thing I asked was "who is this". And it came back [ ex SIL name]. Well, I ended up texting her back and letting her know that "if she wanted to text or call me about Little Man or B - that was fine and great. Any time she had any questions - I would be glad to talk to her. However, please no more forwards." In other words, she wants to contact me about the kids- fine. About anything else- lose my number. 5 more months, and the offer for news about Little Man goes off the table too. 3 more years- I'm changing my number.

Now, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe its not the other parents business what you do with your time. And don't go misunderstanding me folks. I didn't say it was their decision or you needed permission. I'm just saying that the kids are both of yours. Both. Of. Yours. Why should they suffer from either one of you getting all immature or possessive about them. Didn't either one of you create those babies by yourself. It took two to tango and the responsibility should go to both of you. Ok, so you and your ex (who may be a total psycho) don't talk. Or maybe they're the type that would try to mess up your vacation if you say something in advance. And like I said- you don't need their permission. The kids are yours too. So long as you aren't breaking your court order by doing whatever - you have the right to do it. But why not send an email on the way out of town. If you have to - let them know when it's too late for them to mess up your plans. But you'd want to know if the shoe were on the other foot. If he/she were taking the kids out of town, or in for an appendectomy, or on a cruise - you'd want them to have enough courtesy to tell you. Oh so here's where I hear - well, so and so doesn't tell me so why should I tell them? So, is this what you want to teach your children. If someone is immature and acts like a bitch to you - you should "pay them back". You want to teach your kids that two wrongs make a right? You want to teach your children that its ok to hold grudges and "get someone back"? Because sure as the sun will rise tomorrow - what you do is what you teach your kids. And if you think that little Johnny or Susie is too young to know what's up - well, chances are that you're wrong. Chances are they see and hear more than you give them credit for. I know my boys have popped up with memories of things that happened when they were 3 or 4 years old. Things that I had about forgotten about. And I've looked at them and had to ask - how in the devil did you even remember that?

Would I call SD at this point and time if we were taking a weekend trip? For example, when we go to see Ms Minnie this summer, am I going to spend a month tracking him down to tell him that I'm driving 4 hours away for the weekend? Probably not now. Did I when the kids were younger? Yea, I would at least get a message to his mom or sister. That's the best I could do. Can't notify someone who won't let me have his address or phone number. Now, don't think I'm all that nice here folks. I'm not the kind of ex who sent him a birthday card from the kids on his birthday. Wasn't going to happen. Would I have bought him one if the kids had asked? Sure. But by the time his birthday came around that first year, he had already skipped everyone's birthday but Little Man's (who has his birthday the week after SD's). When I mentioned his birthday that year, the kids were very adamant that he hadn't bothered to send them anything for their birthdays - they weren't interested in sending him anything for his. He taught his kids that birthdays weren't important to him by his actions. It was a lesson they learned from his behavior. They never missed my birthday. Even if Tara did buy herself a coffee pot for my birthday one year ( I have never in my life liked coffee and don't drink it).

I'm sure this post is going to get my head torn off by a few folks here and there. Leave at least a little bit attached so I can think to argue with my kids later tonight please. I have to be able to think fast with these boys or my head might explode. ;)

Off to watch American Idol. Gotta see if anyone catches my attention for this year.

teens....backs....

Well, Good morning to all my friends out there in blog land.

I stayed up altogether too late last night. Little Man started the season premier of a show he wanted to see and didn't realize that it was a 2 hour premier. We ended up stay up till some time after 2 watching the first 4 hours. Why was I so stupid? I am way too old for that. Of course, then I sleep in 2 hours later than I normally do which makes me feel like I'm behind all day.

In other news, I got a phone call this morning from Ruth. Ice Cube taught Little Bit to clap. I got to "talk" to the baby. What this entails is me sounding like a fool talking into the phone while Little Bit tries to eat the phone and makes noises in the other end. He smiles and tries to eat my voice and I talk to myself. Everyone done laughing now? Good! I also hear that he has figured out how to work his walker and he's turning into a terror on wheels. I will have new pictures of the baby next week that I'll post on the other site once I get them. I feel so sorry for those people who have ruined the chance to watch him grow. A whole side of his family that will never get to see his sweet face or pinch those little fat cheeks. Although, I really don't think that SD has the sense to know what he's missing and I doubt the rest of his family does either. And, as for Tara... Well, it was her choice to allow Tom to be such a jerk that none of us care to be around him. Much easier to allow Tom to show his tail than to either stand up to his abuse or leave him.

The sad part of that is that she's given up all of her dreams to endure his stupidity. She has POS and has been unable to conceive as she refused to follow the doctors orders to take her medication, watch her weight, or any other things that she could have personally done to help herself out. The man she is with has a felony record with multiple arrests for domestic violence and is an alcoholic and drug abuser. Foster care and adoption are out with his record. So the thing that she has wanted most in the world is very likely unattainable. She'll never have the pleasure (or headache) of being a step-mom to Tom's kids because he has no visitation rights to those kids. As he won't take any of the steps necessary to gain any visitation and doesn't care enough about the kids to pay the money for the supervised visits, he'll never move past that point. And as its been like 3 or 4 years since he was released from prison and hasn't made any effort what-so-ever during that time (no child support, no visits -that count via court anyhow because stalking the church the kids go to is not going to look good to the court, no calls, cards or letters - not even some sent that may or may not get sent back just lame excuses that his ex wouldn't give them to the kids so why bother) and has had at least one other arrest for domestic violence since being released from the big house, if I were his ex, I'd fight tooth and nail against letting him take my kids anywhere. No job history, no stability, living in 3 different states, always one step ahead of the law, and drinking more often than not. Its very sad for me to see Tara end up here. She had so much potential and could have had such a wonderful life. Had she kept on her meds, gone to a real school and met a man that didn't have a record longer than he is tall- she might have gotten to fulfill her dreams. Watching her suffer and give up everything she ever wanted in life has been hard. Much harder than not watching.

Me? I'm doing good. Trouble yesterday - dealt with. Am I popular? Not a bit. But like my mama once told me: "Parenting is not a popularity contest." Darn good thing too because I'd surely be in last place. Will I survive this unpopularity? Definitely! The one that's mad at me now - already mostly over it. Loves me way to much to stay mad when he knows he was in the wrong. And unlike some of his older siblings- way too smart to blame me for catching him making a mistake. ;)

Back to harping at a couple of kids to clean up their rooms. Not sure quite what it is about teenagers and bending over. Do teens have bad backs or something? What makes them unable to reach the floor to pick their belongings up off it? Answers? Anyone?

I survived

The boys are on their way home! I survived! I had some help. Sharon and Dee and I hung out on FB a bit. Both of them chatted with me on IM. And ESM emailed back and forth with me. And I lived thru it. I got to take bubble baths and read without interruption. No one complained about what I cooked...maybe because I didn't. But, hey, I ate. The house stayed clean and there aren't enough dishes to even run a load. But I am so happy that they are headed home that I am even looking forward to dishes and boots tracking across the floor.

I questioned this trip back that the boys made. I didn't think that finances were caught up enough for either boy to afford this right now. And of course, I ended up having to pitch in to get them back home. Kids! None of that matters as much as they got to spend time with both of their brothers (separately), Ruth, and Little Bit. They also got to see a few of their old friends and found out that they should listen to mom.

I had a whole nice conversation with Little Man last night that he started texting me about how it really wasn't smart for him to have made that trip. hmmmmm Seems like I had gotten yelled at a few days previously when I made the same statement. When they started planning this, I pointed out that there were a few other things that he should really be dealing with before making that trip. And he got very upset with me. And I'm a big one with my kids for letting them learn some lessons the hard way. Now, if I know that they're going out to commit murder, I'd go ahead and stop that. But, something like this- live and learn baby. Cause mama doesn't buy cigarettes or support your car. So, he took the trip. His low oil light came on and he had to add oil to the car. He's going to have to do an oil change. His head light went out and he's going to have to get that fixed and his license plate light went out and he has to get that fixed. Seems like I have parroted over and over "it takes more than gas to operate a vehicle". But, I got to hear those words that every mom dreams about last night. "I know mom, I should have listened to you". *wipes tears from her eyes* At least he's smart enough to admit when he was wrong unlike some who would try to lie their way out of it.

They got up this morning, headed out, stopped by to see Hurricane, and then hit the highway. They stopped for gas and took care of the oil situation during that time too. B called me and asked about food. Imagine that. The boys are coming home starving. Of course, with B, he's starving if he's gone more than an hour without being fed. ;) Chicken laid out and I'll have a good meal for them when they get home. Little Man works tonight so I'll just switch it up and serve the big meal during the afternoon instead of at night.

My Texas Rangers representative called me today. We are going to work out some sort of deal for tickets for a few games. I'm not even going to try to do the 16 games like we did last year. The drive is too far. Too much trouble. Too much money. We are going to go watch the Red Sox and the Yankees. If we don't go to any other games this season, we will go to those.

One last laugh. Tara has already been on twice today. Her out click at her last visit ~ was to sitemeter. Guess she is finally catching on that I know exactly when she comes to spy on me and exactly how long she stays. LOL Where she comes from and where she leaves to. Sort of really makes the joke on her and her trying to lie about not being on my site. I am so amused.