Tara IM'd me on the way in (B was typing in my answers) and she was getting antsy. Worried about being there alone. Worry about what Tom might do. Worry about all the BS that he spent the last 3 years putting in her head. All the nasty, evil things that abusers tell their victims to keep them controlled. And Tom, is an abuser. He's manipulative, controlling, and insecure. He makes himself feel better by running down and bullying people who are smaller and weaker than he is. And Tara, she bought into his "everything is your fault" hook, line and sinker. If she can make it thru the first couple of weeks without going back to him, she'll be well on her way to recovery.
I got there and she was happy to see me. My grand baby was happy to see me. At that point, Tara's phone was quiet. Of course, by then - it was dead. No charger remember? We didn't hear from Tom at all on Saturday but Sunday morn.... Oh that was a different story!
It all started when Tara logged on to her IM account Sunday morning. There was a whole page of offline messages from Tom. He "can't live without her" She's his "heart and life". He's "going to change for real this time." She was so disgusted she didn't even know what to say. She told me "mom, he always says he's going to change and he does for a day or two but then it's right back to the same old stuff". So, I told her to tell him. And the response went something like this: Tom, its never going to change. You always say it will and it never does. It would be nice if you would take my clothes and drop them off at Ice Cube's house. He will make sure that I get them. I am leaving on a bus today.
Tom was showing offline when the message was sent. Obviously he wasn't because it only took about 30 seconds for it to start. She "can't do this". Please come over and get money and the truck. Please come back to him. Just talk to him. If she hadn't of "made him so mad" then none of this would have happened. She didn't want to see it at all. She was busy talking to other friends. She told Tom that she was logging off. She minimized his window and ignored it for other, healthier conversations and friendships.
We thought that might be the end of it for the day. We were wrong.
to be cont....
9 comments:
"If she hadn't of "made him so mad" then none of this would have happened."
Tara, if you're reading this....that is the number 1 "excuse" and the biggest piece of bullshit. It's not about what you did. It's about how he reacted!!!
Dee~
That is so the truth!
Thank goodness she has you, Amy.
No disrespect to you, Amy, but I have been burnt by serial victims enough that I am going to take all this with a grain of salt- and with the expectation that Tara will eventually cave and go back to Tom. As I said...serial victims always do. I sincerely hope that Tara is different, and I'll be praying for both of you.
Sharon~
Thanks!
Kou~
I know exactly what you're saying. I half expect it to happen. I will say that I feel better every day that it doesn't having been in that situation myself in the past. I know that the longer you stay gone, the more your head straightens out. Then you just have to be careful that you don't fall back into the same trap with the next guy.
She is lucky she has you. Even after everything she did and said to you, you were there for her. Hopefully she can get herself straightened out and stay away from him, because he will never change. Even as he says "he will change" he is blaming HER for making him mad... yea some change....
Step-In~
You are right. Tom will not change. Tara has to change the way she thinks.
Well, Amy....It seems that she is in good hands as of this writing..
I am sorry that she has to hold up under all this *guilt* that she has not manifested for herself! Geez...Families can produce the WORST karma and happenings...((I know from experience))) You have been tolerant and have shown pure Mom Love....
Margaret~
He's done his best to guilt trip her and emotionally black mail her. It's all part of the abuser in him. She's still holding fast as of now.
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