The bad blogger is back

     I'm baaaaaack!  I'd love to tell you that it's better than before but truthfully, it will probably still be the same old drivel.  


     Saturday night went as planned.  B went bowling with Toni.  Several kids came over and hung out quietly.  And I mean quietly.  Curt brought the guitar over and humored me.  It was peaceful and relaxing.  And then they left and I went to bed.   I slept for hours and hours.  And Sunday, I was a vegetable.  I watched the boob tube and slept all day long.  Yesterday, I finally started feeling better.  I had to spend the day finding the house from a weekend of me being worthless sick.  I spent the day doing laundry and finding the house and then went to bed early.  So - my blogging has been non-existent. Sorry.  I was dying.   Ok, really not but I sure felt like I could.  


     Now on to the news.  Randi (the girl) and her roommate, Cass, are coming this weekend.  Ruth is on here way here now with Elmer and will be back on Friday for dinner.  Hurricane and Donna were supposed to come this weekend too but I don't expect to see them.  H. copped an attitude about Randi and Cass coming down.  Now, was this attitude because Donna gave him an attitude about it?  I don't know.  What I do know is he was totally disrespectful and rude.  He told me that I "wasn't his parent", that I needed to "learn my place", and several other equally rude things.  For whatever reason, he thinks that he can do what he wants, when he wants, talk to whoever he wants, however he wants and be totally disrespectful and rude and then try to call it "honesty".  Well, when he started his 2 hour barrage of insults last night, I just tried to agree with him.  When he got upset about the girls coming, I apologized.  That wasn't good enough.  He wanted to fight.  He thinks he's above the rules.  He tells me to "act like a parent" and then when I tell him he can't do something or talk to me with disrespect, then he tells me that I'm "not his mom".  A friend of mine asked me today if he acts that way with Vix?  He wouldn't dare.  He lives under her roof.  She feeds him, gives him gas money, and Vix and Cal have made his car payment for years.  So, basically they've bought his good behavior towards them.  Since I see no reason why I should hand him any more money when he lives rent free and he's already getting so much from Vix and Cal.  He gets so much money from Vix and Cal that any time the other kids need something, well, we don't even ask.  I mean, when B had a fund raiser, I called.  But anything else, we manage.  The relationship between Vix and Cal and the rest of the kids has been damaged by all this.  They are sure that Vix and Cal don't care for them as much as they do for Hurricane.  A myth that Hurricane loves to encourage.  Yes, it's a myth.  But when things happen like yesterday when Hurricane says that he's "special and he's the only one that Cal said could hunt here on the property", well, yet another brick goes up in the wall.  Or when Hurricane comes down here (while I was at the fair) and tears the property up with his truck out back showing his tail and then goes back and tries to blame it on Little Man and B and their friends and Cal calls/texts LM with false accusations - well another brick goes up in that wall.  Next question that I see coming?  Have I talked to Vix and/or Cal about any of this?  Yes.  Vix and I have spoken.  And she does damage control as best she can.  Cal?  Well he has a blind spot where Hurricane is concerned.  And with Cal's health issues, Vix shelters him from a lot of this.  LM tries to tell Cal the truth, but he doesn't always listen.  He doesn't see that Hurricane is trying to damage Cal's relationship with his brothers.  Why?  Jealousy.  All of his little stupid things come from jealousy.  He's jealous of his brothers.  And those insecurities that he has with himself, no one else can help him with.  Again, a path he has to walk for himself and find his own way.  Until he learns to love himself, he'll never trust that anyone else loves him.  And until he stops equating money with love, he'll be lost.  


     Well, already long story longer.... Hurricane is not coming for the holidays.  I'm torn.  I love my son.  He's my oldest boy.  I miss the young man he was before he started down this path that he's on.  Before he equated money with family and respect.  Before he got too big for his britches.  But, I don't want to deal with drama and jealousy.  I don't want a holiday ruined because Hurricane wants to hurt his brothers and make himself feel better about himself by telling his brothers that he's more important to their god-parents than they are.  By him coming down here and doing damage so that he can run back and tell Cal that the boys committed damage that he actually did - just to cause more problems. His last message said he was still going to come down here but he just wouldn't see me.  Which means he's not coming to this house.  Camping back on the property maybe.  No idea.  Hope he has a license.  Those illegal tickets are a big deal.  One of LM's friends got one and it was over $1600.  


     Well, for now, must go.  I have to go get diapers and wipes and other necessities.  Ruth and Elmer will be here in a few hours.  I'm looking forward to their visit.  Yes, their visit.  Y'all have a great day.