Question for all my friends out there..... I always talked to SD's nieces. Even the ones that lived by him. They came to me. I was very careful to keep things neutral with them. Never saying anything negative or controversial - basically generic conversations. Being an impartial listener. There are 2 of them that belong to youngest sister. The sister that is out on bond for killing her baby. The one who's husband is in jail on heroin charges and the girls dad is in jail for habitual traffic offender (too many drunk driving charges). I wasn't going to shun the girls with everything else going on in their lives. The older of the 2 is 14, the younger 11. They have way too much free time on their hands. Way too much freedom. Oldest one was telling me a story last month about throwing up in some guys car. I said your mom lets you go out with guys old enough to drive? Uh no. One, mom didn't know she was out with the guy and worse yet- he didn't even have a license. Well, I wanted to call mom over that one- actually called her phone a few times. She never answered - never returned my calls. But I did get a promise out of the kid that she wouldn't go getting into a car anymore with anyone who didn't have a license and without her mom knowing. So, I filed it into the banks of things to mention to her mom if mom ever decided to pick up the phone or return a call. Well, a few days ago, the older one tells me that the younger one is smoking. At. Eleven. Um - no. Not only is she smoking, she's hanging out at the 14 year olds friends houses. And telling the 14 year olds friends to hide this not only from parents but from her sister too. And for some reason, the kids are running the street. Constantly. They seem to congregate at this one boys house the most. His mom works nights so they're all there having sex and doing whatever while his mom is at work and asleep. And oldest niece thinks I'm "mean" because I told her- my boys wouldn't be allowed over there. It wouldn't go. I also told her that they were being disrespectful to the mother for behaving like that while this woman is trying to support her family. But I digress. The smoking thing was something I couldn't just ignore. I kept thinking that if my child had been smoking at 11 - I sure as hell would have wanted to know. And they need to take control of that 11 year old. She's been caught panhandling for money, suspended from school, she's just really headed down the wrong path. Well, I was talking to one of my old foster daughters. And during the conversation I asked her if she would contact the kids mom. She did and she passed on the information. And the mom contacted her back which is further than I could have gotten. I would have preferred to talk directly to the mom. Actually, what I tried to do was get oldest daughter to speak to mom. I spent 3 days trying to convince her that she should tell her mom. She would just disappear off line any time I pressed too hard. So, how wrong am I? Y'all are parents. Would you want to know if your 11 year old was smoking? Or would you rather live in blissful ignorance? Does the age of the child matter?
On other notes, B is unhappily back at school. They had an ice make-up day today so they're in school over Good Friday. B is convinced that we did this just to torment him personally. And he was so mad at me last night because after missing 4 straight days of school, I wouldn't let him skip today. Yeah - right- not. So, the mean old mom sent him to school just so he could be tortured for today. I was supposed to ignore the fact that he had 30 note cards due today in English for his 8th grade english paper. HA! He acts like he thinks this is my first merry-go-round. As if the silent treatment he gave me last night was going to be enough for me to ignore all those little responsibility issues. And he had his notecards done last night despite missing those 4 days in school where they worked on them in class every day. I helped him read the research and get the information for the cards. (B has a vision disorder and I am allowed to read to him. He has large print texts and handouts for his school work. He would love to push me over that line between reading to him and doing his homework but I've had many years experience in keeping to my side of the line.) I haven't gotten any texts from him today so he must not have that much free time on his hands.
Congrats to the Rangers who are 3-0 for the first time since 1996. Am I crazy enough to think that the Rangers are going to go to the World Series this year? Not even close. But I do appreciate the fact that they have gotten off to a good start. Not only did the win against the Cleveland Indians - they stomped them. And I appreciate a player like Josh Hamilton who has come back from an absolute horrid hole that he put himself in with drug use. And Hamilton is not at all shy about talking to kids, fans, anyone about his story and his comeback. He has a book out that goes into what he put himself and his family through. It's a great story. B and I watched the special that MLB tv did on him. It was great!
Well, off her to see if the Rangers can make it 4-0 against the Tigers. Here's hoping.
4 comments:
Yikes! You always have your hands full, don't you? I wouldn't even know where to begin regarding the nieces' behavior. How can you stop something like that when the mother simply doesn't give a crap?
I would want to know, especially a child that's not even in high school yet. Letting them roam the streets unsupervised is neglect in my opinion. Maybe you should report it to child protective services?
Kou- I think we're back to the "the way they were raised" thing. Mom was picked up by the police at 3 am outside riding her tricycle at 3 years old. Her mom had left her with SD who was drunk (at age 15). It's how mom was raised and she's doing her kids the same way. UGH. It's so frustrating on my end watching good kids turn into thugs.
Sharon- That's not a bad idea. I am fairly sure that Mom is already under an investigation from "neglect resulting in the death of an infant". I know she loves her kids - but she sure seems to give them way too much leeway. Or am I just over-strict?
I like Sharon's idea. I will say that my BF had me look at his daughter's myspace page to see if she was putting anything like her address out there. I did and she didn't. But I looked at her friend's pages and oh, my. The daughter was drinking and doing all kind of things and under 15. I did mention this but I was told that I was wrong and it was just kids being dramatic. It turned out to be true but it wasn't because of anything I said.
I also think it might be worth reporting to CPS or anyone else what's going on at this woman's house at all odds. You've done what you can do and I'm not sure if anyone is listening. (I also think the girl who threw up is also drinking...).
Good job with B! And good luck with the Rangers & a great weekend!
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