This was not smart

It has been an irritating day for me. Totally!

Bringing Tara here to old town - not a good idea. Tom has taken full advantage of the fact that she's this close to play the manipulation game to the fullest. Its a constant barrage of texts (despite the police report filed), phone calls and emails. He plays upon her emotions and constantly plays the blame game. He's done "everything that she wanted him to do" don't ya know. And it doesn't matter how many times she ignores him or tells him that it's "too little - too late" he can't seem to get it thru the single brain cell in his head. He wants her back. What he doesn't realize is that ... He blew it. He can't seem to understand that she signed the divorce papers. She isn't going to go back. No matter how he tries to pull at her heart strings- she's not willing to give up all that he cost her all over again. And like I told her- if he loved her... he'd quit trying to force the issue. What he wants is impossible. His actions have made it so. Even if she could forgive him for the emotional and physical abuse that she suffered at his hands and even were she so gullible to believe that it would never happen again - she's not willing to lose her brothers again. And they... They can't stand the site of him. And even Tara isn't willing to let Tom anywhere close to Elmer.

Tom is a bully. All his domestic violence charges - violence against children, the elderly, and women. He has attacked a 16 year old with a beer bottle, put an elderly man in the hospital (actually, I believe that was twice), chased a 15 year old with a knife, went after his ex-wife with some sort of weapon while his kids were in the house (he excuses that as being ok because the kids were sleeping), etc... Our greatest fear when Tara was with them was waiting for the call to tell us that he had hurt/killed her. He doesn't love her. He just can't stand that the fly got out of the spiders net. Its all a control issue. He doesn't understand that I could let go of Tara to go with him if that's what she wanted because I love her. Also because I loved her, I couldn't stand to sit back and watch him be miserable with him. Watch him tear her down and beat the joy, curiosity, and life out of her. She told him tonight even- everything had to be your way or the highway. She made the mistake of asking for a copy of the tax returns which she needs for school. Well, yes, he'll give them to her but only if she'll go over and hang out with him for a bit. She'll end up having to chase them down from the IRS.

Although, I was pleasantly surprised by a conversation I had with his sisters gf. She is the only one in that family that I have met that has been polite. She was interesting to talk to, non-judgemental, and friendly. Way different than any experience I have had when speaking to any member of Tom's family. She is married into the family like Tara was though- not a birth member. She is the one that brought the divorce papers over to my car and was going thru them with Tara for Tara to sign. Tom had made this big deal over I better not go within 5 feet of him when I took Tara to meet him or he would leave with her stuff. Well, then he wanted to walk over to my car. HA HA HA. Nope. He wanted to be a jerk and threaten to steal her stuff if I walked within 5 feet of him- that means he doesn't walk over and try to talk to me. Like I would ever want to hear any more lies coming out of his mouth anyhow. (you know - cause the current major lie is how much he has changed yet he is still manipulative, wants everything his own way and won't listen to a word that anyone has to say or admit that he ever caused any of this or did anything wrong). Anyhow, I will formally admit that although I still believe that Tom is doing his best to suck his family including the SIL into this situation - Tonia seems to have cared enough about Tara to listen and talk and not blindly believe all lies. And I really can't fault the SIL for having misconceptions about some of this when she has never heard anything but the lies that Tom constantly spews about me, my kids, and his pity poor me I am abused and innocent BS that he is so convincing at throwing out. I do hope that the sisters gf does not buy all the garbage he spews and is intelligent enough to realize that there is way more than one side (or two sides) to every story and that Tom manages to leave the truth out any time that said truth doesn't make him look like the injured party. Tom has yet to admit the damage he caused with his drunken rage and chasing Little Man around as a 15 year old child with a knife threatening to kill him. The nightmares and trauma caused by those actions have never been resolved.

In other news, it is my birthday this week. A fact that my children (or most of them at least) tend to forget 90% of the time. Or when convenient for them at least which is at least 90% of the time. I know one year, I did get a coffee pot for my birthday. Funny thing about that though- I have never ever in my life ever drunk coffee. *giggles* The kids all do though. I don't do tea either or any other type of hot drink that would involve using a coffee pot. B actually wanted to leave town and go back home today rather than being here for my birthday. I am most unpopular for saying no. Well, off to wait on texts from Kou to let me know what's up with American Idol tonight. Ice Cube still hasn't gotten his TV hooked up and I am tvless here. Bad thing for a tv addict like this old lady.