I got the paperwork notarized today. I still have a few blanks that I'm trying to fill in with all the papers. I got his moms number and address, his dad's information, some cousins. Most of his aunts and uncles are either diseased or in prison. Not very helpful there. He has like 3 of his mom's brothers that are in prison and his dad's only brother won't talk to him. Most of the cousins on dad's side of the family are diseased. 3 of the uncles son's are dead from alcohol related incidents, 1 son is on the run from the police and on the City most wanted list, and the 5th son is a drug addict. Not much to go on there. But, I should have it totally done and in the mail by Friday. Just a few more things to try and google.
It was mentioned that the drug usage is an issue in all this too. It is a major issue that we've had to deal with. I am SO very torn with all of this. I believe that the best thing for my kids is to NOT be in that merry-go-round that is Ex's life. I think that the best thing that he ever did for the kids is to leave them alone and not drag them into that mess. However, I also wish that the kids had a DAD. Not a sperm donor that ignores them. A real dad! Not just to support them financially. To be there for them emotionally. Someone that they saw on a regular basis. To teach them men type things and have that male type bonding. So that they had 2 parents and not just me. And part of it is selfish too. I'd like to have that other person to talk to - someone sensible to help make decisions and decide what's best. I have some pretty good kids and they're turning into pretty decent young men but they started at a disadvantage in life from only having 1 parent and the fact that we live in a lower income bracket. It's been an uphill battle and there have been some pretty interesting bumps along the way.
Ex was had done drugs before we met. But he had gotten clean. He was even avoiding alcohol way back when. He avoided his family back then too because they are all party type people. Both parents are alcoholics. Mom has 18 DUI charges. Uncles in prison on drug charges. He neglected to mention most of the family history to me. But, at 22- I doubt I would have been mature enough to care anyhow. I knew he was avoiding them because they had issues. I just wasn't mature/smart enough to realize that this would never last - especially with us living in the same county. So, we had some battles thru the years about pot. Major blow out wars over alcohol. Ex would go months without drinking (we were together years before he started again). And then - boom- with no warning- it would be a binge. And he'd disappear. When Hurricane had his appendix out- it was emergency surgery. He was 5. He was in recovery before I could find Ex. Well, I could find where he was drinking- he just refused to come to the phone at the bar. I had to find someone to go track his tail down to get him to the hospital. Drunk and passed out when Little Man was born. Couldn't find him when I went into labor with Ice Cube. Etc...Etc...Etc... He'd leave to go to the store to get a gallon of milk and not come back for 3 days. It was - well, interesting to say the least. So, the kids never depended on him ever. They knew from very early on that he was most likely not going to be there when/ if needed. I would go so far as to say that if he was needed- that's when he was most likely to disappear. And he had plenty of folks/cousins to drink with on his trips. But then, he could stay sober for months on end and be a very charming, sweet person and always so repentant. So, why did I stay? I'm a sucker- he'd get bad- I'd leave or he'd leave and then he'd sober up and be human again. And I was a chicken. Afraid that I couldn't do it. Afraid to admit to anyone that my life was miserable. And he always told me that I could go any time I wanted- but he'd kill me before I took his kids. And I was never really sure he wouldn't get drunk and do it. I even got a restraining order on him one time. He kicked in the door and stomped every phone in the house into pieces. His sister called the police on him (she lived in the upstairs apartment and heard him breaking things). He was out of jail before I got out of the emergency room. So, having someplace safe to go was what I thought would be a consideration. Had I known he would walk away and never look back- it would have been over years sooner. But- then I wouldn't have LM or B and so I guess that's what God had planned for my life. But, the last year before I left- he was on the road driving truck. He got involved with his dispatch lady and together they started with the cocaine. And he's been messed up with it now for the last 10 years. It's sending him to prison. I imagine if he hadn't gotten busted- it would be putting him in the grave instead. Any way you look at it, he's into the drug scene so far I can't see him ever recovering. He sells pot, cocaine and pain pills and uses all of the above too. Prison will probably save his life. But yeah, drugs are also a part of this whole mess. From him- not me. ;) I imagine that the 2 parent thing around here is not ever going to be a reality and we'll just keep muddling thru.
Support now- I may get lucky there and the private company might be able to twist his arms enough to pull some pennies out of him.
On other notes: Took B and LM to the Ranger game tonight along with LM gf. 9-1 Rangers. YEAH! Go guys. Hope Ian Kinsler gets well soon - doesn't need surgery- and comes off the DL after only 15 days. I hear Blalock will be back in time for Fridays game. That will be cool! We'll be there.
Enjoy all!
