I had a good talk with Hurricane yesterday. Probably one of the best. He really is protective over me and the boys. He sounded really happy that the boys stopped by there and saw him yesterday. He shouldn't have expected any different. No matter how much they might argue and bicker amongst themselves, the boys know that they've always been there for each other. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the saying "bros before hoes". The current argument between Hurricane and Ice Cube lays heavy on my mind. So many times, the boys act before thinking thru the consequences of their actions. Nothing and no one should have the right to come between the brothers. And yes, I say the brothers. Their fight was over something stupid. Words spouted out in the heat of anger. Things said that while can't be taken back- need to be worked thru. Nothing that was said is unforgivable. There was no physical violence, no one stole, no drugs involved ~ just angry words. I have had a chance to talk to several folks about this situation with Tara since her last email full of lies and imaginary stories. Some of those people I've talked with are people who have never met her. People who I don't feel the need to protect from the pain of her behavior. Some of those people are people who know her. People who would be hurt if they knew how far she has fallen. People who love her and it would make them sick if they knew the kind of alcohol and drug filled life of abuse she leads. Everyone I've talked to agrees about one thing though.... I did what was right and best to let her go and take that drama and pain out of my life.
For years, my mom stood up for Tara. She always believed that poor Tara didn't know any better. She did these things because this is what she saw from SD. And there may be some truth in that. Tara is with a man that makes SD look like an angel. A man that has been arrested far more times than SD has been. SD is certainly a low life and a drug dealer. Tom and SD both have multiple arrests for being unable to keep their hands off someone else's property. Tom has many many arrests for violent attacks against other humans. All of those crimes coming against people who are either minors, women or the elderly. None of which says anything positive to me about his character. Even my mom though no longer defends her behavior. I honestly never thought I would see the day when even my mom tells me that I have to do what's best for me and the boys. Tara was always my mom's baby. The first grandchild and for years, the only grand daughter. She has worried herself sick over the years about Tara. But in recent years, she's seen for herself. She knows when Tara is lying to her. She knows that Tom is violent. It grieves her to watch Tara go thru what I went thru with SD. Mom's heard all the excuses and cover-ups. And I hurt for my mom. My mom who gave every bit of love that she has had to give to these kids. My mom who has been ill more often than not in the past years. The battle with breast cancer that she still fights. The issues with her arteries. The surgeries last year and the one upcoming. The trips to the ER in the middle of the night from a racing heart that doesn't want to work right anymore. My mom that probably doesn't have many more years left. And then I remember Tara and her attitude when my dad was dying. Mad because she wanted to be with her boyfriend of the time J. (the very same bf that she still pines for and wishes she had and he was a million times better than Tom, I'll give that) Her attitude of "why do I have to waste my time here waiting for an old man to die" Oh yes she did use those words. They're burned in my memory. Waste her time. My dad died later that morning. I've always resented her saying that as dad was lying in the next room. Did he hear her? Did he go ahead and give up knowing that this was how she felt about him? That she cared about him no more than to call him an old man? The one man that had always been there for her. That loved her without reservation.
I scared the boys that day. I turned on Tara viciously that day. They were always proud of me. They still talk about the way I reacted with pride. But they also always talk about it with respect. Ice Cube was actually talking to Ruth about it when we were in town last. Ruth loves my mom and the feeling is mutual. My mom dotes on Little Bit. She plays the video's of him giggling over and over again. My dad would have loved Ruth too. 6 years now. 6 years he's been gone. Mom made sure that all the kids had something of his to keep. Watches and pocket knives for the boys. Tara got a collection of angels that dad had. She left them when she went with Tom. They didn't mean enough to her for her to take them with. I have them now. Mementos of my dad and something he loved to collect. Tara ~ kept nothing from "the old man" that she had to "waste her time" to wait for him to die.
Now, because its Saturday and because Ms Minnie asked so nicely last night. And because I so very much enjoyed my phone conversation with her and my boys are really looking forward to a trip down state and a chance to see if there are sharks in the ocean... (ok, so I lied about the sharks part ~ they are more interested in "cute chicks") I posted some new pix over at my OTHER SITE. Reminder, all pictures will from here forward be protected of the boys and Little Bit.
Oh and the giggle of today.... For Tara claiming that she doesn't want anything to do with our family.... She sure has been spending a ton of time on this site. 4 times yesterday and staying on the site for long periods of time when she's here. She also hits at least 4 other people's sites that I know of and stalks them like she does mine.... looking for my comments maybe? She spends more time on here than I do. I am glad that there is more to my life than sitting on a computer trying to find out about someone's life that I claim to not want anything to do with. I hope this makes you all laugh as much as it has me! Cheers!
