updates

     Hope everyone had as good of a weekend as I did!  Between my bio-kids, my extras, and even an ex-foster child or two ~ I was well loved and spoiled.  We went bowling Sunday morning.  I bowled well and didn't hurt too badly afterwords.  Bowling seems to be about the only sport I have left.  Well, other than swimming (or floating like a whale in the water).  


     For those of you who might not have guessed this yes, Ice Cube and Ruth's relationship appears to be history.  Ruth has a new boyfriend who her dad assures me is "comes from a really wealthy family and he'll make a great "dad" for Elmer".  How did this come about?  Let's just say that one thing led to another, IC had a melt down.  Now while I totally realize that IC made some wrong choices and all his actions are his responsibility, I also know that Ruth and her dad bullied and beat him down.  He was told on a daily basis that he was "no good", would "never amount to anything", that he was a "loser" and that Ruth could do "better than him" and that his whole family was "trash".  Those are just some of the things that he had thrown at him on a daily basis.  And even though he stood by her and her family thru her mom's drinking and her brothers crack usage and her other brother not seeing his son for 3 years because he didn't "want" supervised visits, and her dad's innumerable legal troubles and her issues with the abuse and neglect in her past, the moment he needed any type of help - she had a new boyfriend in days.  So, yesterday when she made the 3 hour drive here because she wanted IC to watch Elmer this week while she packs to move, she wouldn't even pull in the drive.  Can you say childish?  I walked down the drive to see Elmer and say HI.  She refused to look at me.  I told her "I like your new car- it's nice".  She refused to answer.  Immaturity at its finest?  She's just not all there.  Too much abuse in her past.  Too poor of an example set by her parents as far as teaching her things like commitment and family.  According to her, her mom always favored the younger brother.  Dad always favored the older brother.  She was the shunned child who was pawned off.  She sat here and cried more times than I can count about how her uncle abused her and her dad still forced contact between the 2 of them even though the uncle was in prison.  About how no matter what she did, she was never "good enough".  The sad thing is, the cycle of abuse will continue.  She doesn't know anything else and she's already showing signs of it with the baby.  Nothing he does will ever be "good enough" for her or her family either.  They don't stand by each other and so she never learned how to stand by or support anyone.  I'm fairly sure that the reason she wanted IC to go back there is to try and get him to sign legal papers.  They're already starting the threats with the baby and trying to get him to sign his rights off.  They want him to just sign away his right to any type of joint custody which is what he has now. Will he?  I sure hope not.  But he's about beat down at this point.  She's turned into the stereotypical alienating psycho ex.  She thinks and refers to the baby like he's a possession that she owns.  Guess we'll see how it all plays out and how far she can push before he gets mad and gets an attny.  


     In other news, SD got yet another court continuance.  Not a long one this time at least.  Only till June 24.  I'm going to send out an updated letter to the judge about child support.  See, in the state of IN, child support is considered a civil matter.  And they can't do anything to enforce a civil matter while there are criminal charges pending.  So, they need to put him in prison or put him on probation or whatever so that child support can go after him.  If they put him on probation, he'll have to pay his child support as ordered or it would be a probation violation that would send him away.  And as far as I'm concerned, since he's not paying now - it wouldn't hurt me if he went to jail.  If he had a relationship with the kids, if he paid support, if he sent cards or letters or had done anything remotely like a parent in the last 12 years, that would be one thing.  But since the only contact that the boys have had with him has been all negative and he's not been any part of their lives at all- it would hurt them less if he were locked up.  Then at least, it would be lack of contact due to circumstances and not due to lack of giving a d*mn.  


     Well, the alarms are going off.  Time to motivate and get B moving.  I have plans to hang with a friend today.  We're going shopping and to pick up the new pix I had done of Elmer and who knows what all else.  I'm thinking about going bowling again on Sunday.  I really enjoyed it.  And B is always up to lose a game.  ; )  Have a great day all!  

As Promised

     Here are the pix I promised last night.  I don't know when I'll get pix again after tomorrow.  Ruth appears to be a PEW in the making.  She seems to think that Elmer belongs to her and only needs his mom in his life.  That she has sole control over when he sees his dad or how much.   Now, Ice Cube could hang on to Elmer and be a jerk about it but he's trying to be reasonable with her.  She can't just come down here and take the baby.  By TX law, they have joint custody.  IC seems to believe that she won't try to keep the baby from him.  I think her dad is harping in her ear and that once he gives the baby back, it will take a couple of phone calls to round up the money to get an attny before he gets to see his son again.  She's already threatened to keep the baby from him for Christmas.  My poor kid has no idea what kind of fight he's got ahead of him if she stays on the path she showed today.  Originally, it was supposed to be a week with mom then a week with dad and they would have been mature and shared the baby.  I honestly thought she'd be more reasonable than she showed today.  I'm not sure if that was her talking or if her dad has filled her head with stuff that he's mistaken about.  TX is a joint custody state. This is not something that she's going to want to end up in court.  Then they'll be splitting holidays and each of them will have to go a month straight without seeing him in the summer.  The standard custody agreement for this state- weirder than I've ever seen before.  But, enough whining.  It's on him.  If he chooses to let her manipulate him or jerk him around where his son is concerned- not my problem.  I'll go back to plan A and buy savings bonds for Elmer for every birthday and holiday and one day (maybe a day I won't live to see) but one day, he'll be old enough to know how much we loved him and how much we wanted him in our lives and why he didn't get to be with his dad or this side of the family.  And I am a firm believer in Karma.  However, if I don't post for a couple of days after tomorrow - give me a chance to shed my tears and kick myself in the tail to get moving again.  And then y'all remind me to never get so attached to a wee one again.  

with Colby

We may have been cheating just a little bit?

Posing for pictures

With his Uncle Little Man

hugging on Daddy

on Daddy shoulders

Laughing with his Uncle B

Court is a coming....

     So, the time is getting close for SD to have to go to court on his drug charges.  For years, I begged, pleaded and waited for him to realize what he was doing to his kids.  To realize what he was losing out on and to make some attempt/any attempt to make things right with his kids.  From time to time over the years, I would email him.  To let him know about things with the kids.  To try to talk him in to being a parent.  Sometimes I think just to argue with him because that's all that ended up happening.  It either turned into an argument or it was a waste of time or both.  It was always a waste of my time.  Nothing I said ever changed anything.  He never took the time to call his children or to write them or to show any interest in them at all.  My emails never prompted him to remember them on their birthdays or Christmas or any other day of the century.  But I did do a pretty bang up job of frustrating myself with it all.  


    I will tell you what made me even madder than the stupid hate-filled replies from SD.  It's when one of his nutty girlfriends responded from his email and tried to represent themselves as him.  First of all, the sentence structuring was always all wrong.  SD has never once in an email used a period or capital letter in his writing.  (ex:  i am so sick of hereing abot my kids and wat i should be doing i now its *kids name removed* bday but they wan me to sin the card and u now i don;t sin those mysef i never did wen u andi were together even) When I got an email that read along the lines of :  I need to speak with you about child support.  The support agency has contacted my employer and I need you to make a call about this to find out if you can stop the garnishment - it's sort of obvious that it wasn't SD that sent the email.  I imagine most wives write things for their hubbies from time to time.  I know that the whole time SD and I were married, I handled all the correspondence. I sent letters and cards to his family, signed all Christmas cards, answered emails and remembered the kids birthdays.  Not only my kids, but his nieces and nephews too.  I know a lot of us, women, do that.  I also know that most of the people that we write in our hubbies place - they know that we're doing it.  My ex-in-laws all know that it was me that did all this.  How? They haven't gotten a card in the last 11 years.  HAHA


     What's going to happen with these drug charges?  I don't know.  And honestly - it's not my problem.  What I do know is that my kids are going to survive.  Maybe what they've gone thru in the last 11 years was God's way of protecting them and preparing them for this.  Because SD going to prison for life- won't affect their lives at all.  It won't change anything for them.  They're not going to lose child support - SD doesn't pay.  They're not going to lose out talking to SD - he hasn't called in over 5 years.  Visits with him - they haven't seen him but twice in 11 years.  I'm not sure that B would recognize him if he were to walk by him on the street.  Are my boys ok?  They sure are.  They're monsters.  I'll give you that.  But they're productive monsters I haven't always agreed with their choices.  But I've been here to pick up the pieces and shown my support of them (well, when they're legal that is) along the way.  And I have a good relationship with them.  I've accepted who they are as human beings - even when they're not perfect.  And they know that even when we disagree, that I'll always be there for them.  And in the long run- that's all that matters.  A counselor told me once that kids needed tangibles.  That words without actions were empty.  I used to tell my kids that their "dad loved them".  The counselor told me that I needed to quit.  That my words without his actions were empty.  That there was no substance behind them.  I echo those words to y'all.  Words without actions to a child are without substance.  Telling your child you're proud of them in sports when you don't bother to go watch a game shows the child something different than your words say.  Telling your child that you "support them in their" *whatever activity they're doing* and then not taking them to their lessons or going to watch them or working with them to become better at that activity - is a waste of breath.  They're not going to believe you without the actions to back it up.  It's all empty lip service.  I took those words from the counselor to heart.  I have tried to live by them and show my kids by my actions my support and how I feel.  I don't just tell them that I support them (or their friends) in an activity.  I show up.  I show interest.  I ask questions.  I fix spaghetti and meatballs for football players to chow down on after practice and feed kids that aren't mine.  I listen to the boys talk to me about changes in offensive lines that sound like total Greek being spoken to me and then ask for an explanation.  I know the names of the kids that they hang with.  I know the names of the kids on the football team and my kid doesn't play.   


    To close on a funny....


    The back door on my house tends to pop open when the door isn't dead bolted.  So, when I came home the other day and the door was popped open, I told the child (coughjamescough) involved to make sure that the door was dead bolted when they used it.  He got all defensive and said "I always dead bolt the door". Then he proceeded to walk about the house and use the "dead bolted door" with no key.  When I questioned how he got thru the door, he said that the door could just be opened even though it was supposedly "dead bolted".  So I walked back there and dead bolted the door and asked him to open the door.  Imagine the surprise when it wouldn't open.  (NOT from me btw)  His response?  "Sorry I don't lock the door to your satisfaction."  I about peed myself laughing. How do you "lock a door to someone's satisfaction"?  Either its locked or its not. Its a pretty black and white issue.  No grey areas here.  


Hope y'all enjoyed the humor today.  Gotta go get ready to take B to the Dr and get packing.  

Kids and alienation

So, the bedroom floor - done. It's amazing what motivation it is for teens to take their cell phones away and let them know that they're not getting them back until the work is completed. Little Man helped yank the old carpet out of the closet yesterday. All the stuff that was in the living and dining rooms is now back in the bedroom where it belongs. All the furniture is in it's assigned places. And it looks good. I walk in that room and feel like I'm in a new house. I'm happy with the way it's turning out.

gotta love all the shoes lying around. And the ugly green carpeting that's been in there for years. Along with assorted junk that will be gone thru before anything goes back into that space.

Everything pulled out. We found this linoleum under the carpet. The kids are all for not putting the new carpet down and just leaving it with the linoleum. However, there are nasty little staple holes all in it. And I already got the carpeting for in there.

You know folks, 99% of the time, I am happy with my kids and their behavior. It's the 1% of the time that I'm not that you hear about. So please remember that when I'm venting. Also remember that it's not like I can call their dad and say .. "can you believe what your heathens have been up to?!?". Thanks to his indifference and the either indifferent or outright alienating gf's that he's had - that option has been denied me.

There are many types of alienating behaviors that adults use to come between kids and their parents. The most recognized of these is the classic parental alienation. Where one bio-mom or dad tries to turn the children against the other parent. This is done either either because of insecurity or just plain hatred for the other parent. But what about when it's not the bio-parent causing the problems? Then what? What about when the animosity between the bio-parent and the new step-parent is so great that the new steppie just doesn't want the kids around? What about when the new steppie doesn't want to share their new hubby or wife with the kids that were there before? Or if the kids are pains in the tuckus. Then what? What if the new steppie sees the kids as having been warped by the mom? Or if she has kids and is an alienating parent who wants to replace her children's dad with the new man in her life? What if she tries to push herself on the kids? Make them call her mommy and make them accept her to the point that it's so overwhelming that the kids think she's nuts? What if she really is nuts? What if her kids are all grown and she doesn't want to be a full time parent anymore?

Point is: There are so very many things that can influence both positively and negatively the relationship between a parent and their children. Even outsiders, people with no relation to the family at all can sometimes come between the two. And what happens when the animosity between a steppie and a parent spills over to where its public? Where the kids witness it or see it? One friend of mine, the bio-mom actually attacked her in front of the children. There have been emails written that children have been shown. I've seen that in many cases. I've seen both bio-parents and step-parents guilty of this. I've seen both sides at fault. And who pays during all this? Well, if it's a bio-mom and a steppie going at it- the dad and the children pay. So then what options do they leave dad in their little asinine games? Well, he can lose out on his children's lives. Or he can lose his marriage. That's if dad cares. We didn't have that option. SD was indifferent. So long as nothing came between his drugs and alcohol and himself - he was all good. But what if the dad in question were a real dad and not a sperm donor. What if dad really wants to have his kids and either mom or steppie is going out of the way to sabotage the relationship? Then what? What if one of the other likes to play the perpetual victim? You know the type. These are the type of people who start drama and trouble - nothing is ever their fault- and they are always look at pity poor me. Then where does that leave the kids? The parent involved? In yet another case of alienation is where it leaves them. And in those cases, what you will see is: steppie causing drama and blaming the alienation on the bio. And bio causing trouble and blaming the alienation on steppie. But as most outsiders looking in will notice- the alienation is being caused by both sides.

I can never understand these men and women who do this type of thing. I wanted my kids to have a dad. One of the things that drew me to SD was the fact that he had a large family. One of the things that I hated was the fact that said family had no interest in the kids after the divorce. They all followed SD's lead. He didn't bother with the kids so neither did his family. I wish that someone... ANYONE... had encouraged my ex to change and do right by his kids. Maybe some day he'll get his act together. I hope. Because until then - he's missing out on things like this:

From the wedding... This is his new Stare down look. Gotta love it!

controversy?

What a day. Nothing abnormal. Nothing unusual. I don't know what part of today kicked my tail. But I consider it well and truly kicked. This was a fairly normal day. Take care of dogs, cat, ferret, get rid of the guinea pig body, take care of the chickens and make sure they have plenty of food, water, and warmth before the bad weather hits us. Yeah - and I know all my friends on the east coast are saying "finally!". We are supposed to start getting it tomorrow. I have the boys bringing firewood in tonight to get things ready. I dealt with dishes, laundry, kids, straightening up and school work. I didn't do any heavy lifting (its against my religion). I also went thru the 7 pages of fax from the insurance company for what they are paying to fix from the flood of a month or so ago (remember, flood- Little Man - drowned back hall, bath and bedroom). I'm hoping that by doing a lot of the work ourselves, we can maybe fix a few other odds and ends at the same time.

I see so many people writing and emailing about visitation. How much is "right" to share with the child's other parent about your plans with the children when it's "your" time. Do you "owe" the other parent any explanations? Do they "owe" you. At what point does that line begin. How about with common courtesy. Its like I tell my kids. Its not so much that you have to ask permission when I know what your plans are. But I do require the courtesy of a phone call when you go from place to place. Its a courtesy thing. Now, when you go thru a divorce, you obviously don't need to tell the ex when you go to the grocery store or out for dinner or about any other normal plans. But, don't you think that if the child gets sick on your watch, or you're taking your children out of town on vacation or on a cruise, don't you think then it would be nice to give the other parent a heads up? You don't need their permission. It's not that you owe them an explanation. Its a courtesy thing. I mean, if y'all were still together- you'd obviously tell the other parent where you were going if you were leaving town right? And this especially goes for custodial parents. Guys - when 2 adults divorce, the divorce is between the parents. Not the kids.

I finally gave my ex's family an earful about this same subject a few months ago. SD and I divorced. I left their family. Not my kids. It really sets my red headed temper off when they treat my kids like they died. My kids are here. They're healthy, happy, semi-normal individuals. My marriage died. Not my kids. Yet, for 11 years now, they have been totally ignored. Not a single card. Not a call. They're not notified when people marry (not even SD) or when people die (not even when they lost their grandma). My cell phone number - hasn't changed. My address? I've made sure they had it up until I moved this year. I called his mom on Mothers Days and her birthdays. I sent cards to his nieces and nephew. I sent pictures. I kept his family in the loop. I have had no way to reach SD directly, but I did keep his family in the loop. And yes, I even let them know when I was taking the kids out of town. I even spent over a month tracking SD down when I took the kids on a cruise and was taking them out of the country. I didn't need passports so I didn't need his permission. For that matter, I don't need his signature for pass ports for the kids. I got word back to his mom when I took the kids to Yellowstone. I contacted his family when I went back to IN to see my family. Did I contact him? Absolutely not. I couldn't. I didn't know where he was or a phone number. He moves frequently to avoid child support. He has informed all his family that I am not to be given his number.

I got a text from my ex sis-in-law this morning. His baby sister. The one he's closest to. She sent me a forward. She obviously knows my number. Yet, when Little Bit was born - not a word. Not a card. Well, I called her to make sure she knew. She told me to let Ice Cube know that she and her mom were sending a package. I told her that I'd let it be a surprise. That way if something "came up" and the package never came- Ice Cube wouldn't be hurt again. Guess what? No package. Little Bit is 7 months old now. Well, I texted her back today. First thing I asked was "who is this". And it came back [ ex SIL name]. Well, I ended up texting her back and letting her know that "if she wanted to text or call me about Little Man or B - that was fine and great. Any time she had any questions - I would be glad to talk to her. However, please no more forwards." In other words, she wants to contact me about the kids- fine. About anything else- lose my number. 5 more months, and the offer for news about Little Man goes off the table too. 3 more years- I'm changing my number.

Now, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe its not the other parents business what you do with your time. And don't go misunderstanding me folks. I didn't say it was their decision or you needed permission. I'm just saying that the kids are both of yours. Both. Of. Yours. Why should they suffer from either one of you getting all immature or possessive about them. Didn't either one of you create those babies by yourself. It took two to tango and the responsibility should go to both of you. Ok, so you and your ex (who may be a total psycho) don't talk. Or maybe they're the type that would try to mess up your vacation if you say something in advance. And like I said- you don't need their permission. The kids are yours too. So long as you aren't breaking your court order by doing whatever - you have the right to do it. But why not send an email on the way out of town. If you have to - let them know when it's too late for them to mess up your plans. But you'd want to know if the shoe were on the other foot. If he/she were taking the kids out of town, or in for an appendectomy, or on a cruise - you'd want them to have enough courtesy to tell you. Oh so here's where I hear - well, so and so doesn't tell me so why should I tell them? So, is this what you want to teach your children. If someone is immature and acts like a bitch to you - you should "pay them back". You want to teach your kids that two wrongs make a right? You want to teach your children that its ok to hold grudges and "get someone back"? Because sure as the sun will rise tomorrow - what you do is what you teach your kids. And if you think that little Johnny or Susie is too young to know what's up - well, chances are that you're wrong. Chances are they see and hear more than you give them credit for. I know my boys have popped up with memories of things that happened when they were 3 or 4 years old. Things that I had about forgotten about. And I've looked at them and had to ask - how in the devil did you even remember that?

Would I call SD at this point and time if we were taking a weekend trip? For example, when we go to see Ms Minnie this summer, am I going to spend a month tracking him down to tell him that I'm driving 4 hours away for the weekend? Probably not now. Did I when the kids were younger? Yea, I would at least get a message to his mom or sister. That's the best I could do. Can't notify someone who won't let me have his address or phone number. Now, don't think I'm all that nice here folks. I'm not the kind of ex who sent him a birthday card from the kids on his birthday. Wasn't going to happen. Would I have bought him one if the kids had asked? Sure. But by the time his birthday came around that first year, he had already skipped everyone's birthday but Little Man's (who has his birthday the week after SD's). When I mentioned his birthday that year, the kids were very adamant that he hadn't bothered to send them anything for their birthdays - they weren't interested in sending him anything for his. He taught his kids that birthdays weren't important to him by his actions. It was a lesson they learned from his behavior. They never missed my birthday. Even if Tara did buy herself a coffee pot for my birthday one year ( I have never in my life liked coffee and don't drink it).

I'm sure this post is going to get my head torn off by a few folks here and there. Leave at least a little bit attached so I can think to argue with my kids later tonight please. I have to be able to think fast with these boys or my head might explode. ;)

Off to watch American Idol. Gotta see if anyone catches my attention for this year.

10 plus years and counting....

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!

We had a good day here. Not very Christmasy but a good day if that makes sense. With taking the Christmas decorations down before leaving town and having spaghetti for dinner, things around here didn't look very christmasy.

This is the 1oth year now that the kids haven't heard a word one from SD at Christmas. The first year, he called the day after Christmas. Since then - silence. As usual, not a word one from anyone else on his side of the family either. Not a card or a call. They didn't even bother to walk to the mailbox once this year. Of course, I don't think either B or Little Man would remember ever hearing from that side of the family so they would have no reason to look. But every year, I hope that SD will wake up and remember that he has kids. He does for his girlfriends kids. He buys presents and is there for them. But the kids that he helped to create are forgotten like old trash tossed to the curb. Not a word one from any of their 4 aunts or the uncle. Not a word from from SD's mom or dad. Its like they were never born to that side of the family. And I suppose, after 11 years of silence, there is no connection there anymore. The kids wouldn't recognize any of them if they walked past them on the street. Can you miss what you never had? They sure don't act like they do (the kids that is). And from the lack of silence from the family that should have been but isn't - they apparently have no interest in knowing the kids. I guess I thought that with SD going to trial this year that he might want to take the bull by the horns and try to make things right before prison. If convicted, he stands to get sentenced to over 100 years. Even with good time, he'd be over 70 before he got out. The kids would be in their 40's and 50's. What do you talk about then? Where do you go after 40 years of silence?

So, I wonder- how many other kids are out there who didn't hear a word one from a parent? I'm sure there are thousands. And some of those losers will make excuses for their silence. I'm sure they tell their family and friends things like... "my ex is a bleep and won't let me talk to the kids". Or when they don't send a single thing to the kids- not even a card. What's their excuse sound like I wonder? Is it the "I didn't have money"? How many of those same folks do you think had money for cigarettes or alcohol but couldn't spend one measly dollar to send their kids a card? How many of them do you think tried to justify is to themselves with the excuse of they don't think the other parent would give the kids the card? And how many of them ever tried to send that card the first time to get it returned? Probably none of them. I know a guy like that. His ex-wife really has done everything possible to keep his kids from him. But he's made it easy for her. He has to jump thru hoops for visitation and he doesn't want to jump thru hoops - so he doesn't. He just doesn't take the visits. There are tons of things that he could do. He's even asked me about what he could do. Every single thing I have suggested has been ignored. He's pretty good about whining about how he doesn't get to see his kids. But does he go to work and pay child support? Not a dime. Does he send things to his kids? Not a one. Does he do anything that the court told him he needed to do? Not a one. Is this guy a friend of mine- no just an acquaintance. With everything the kids and I have gone thru from SD's lack of contact and lack of support, I have no respect at all for this other man. His behavior towards his kids (or lack thereof) is too much like SD's. His excuses - cut from the same line of garbage. The lack of responsibility for his part in the scenario, disgusts me quite honestly. Just as much as the women who try to use the "single" parent moniker. Women who are either single by choice or alienation. Like with the guy I know - if his ex tried to tell me she was a "single" parent, I'd be tempted to shove her off a cliff. She's single by choice. She didn't want him around and he doesn't care enough to fight her on it. They're both at fault. Just like the woman who has been stalking my blog. The one that contacted me. The one that emailed me a few months ago looking for sympathy and validation that she was doing right by alienating her kids from their dad. Remember her? She got all upset when I called her out and told her that she was wrong. So now she continues to stalk my blog. Not that I care- she doesn't try to contact me after a good friend offered me her attorney. Shame it came down to that before she quit with the threats and emails. But she still stalks my blog.

I am seriously considering making my blog private or moving to a new location. Not that I care who reads really. I wouldn't care if my ex found this and saw what I had to say. Maybe the truth would sink in if he saw it in writing. (I'm not holding my breath here folks) Maybe someone will stumble across this and see themselves in it and decide to change their ways in the New Year. (Not holding my breath on that either). Its my experience that those who injure their children thru their own selfishness find all kinds of crazy things to tell themselves to justify their behavior. Its also my experience that this same failure to accept responsibility overflows into the rest of their life. Nothing is ever their fault. If they did poorly in school - it was because the teacher picked on them. Inability to make or keep friends- always the other person's fault. Somewhere along the way, they never learned or were never taught responsibility. They are too self-centered to ever be a good spouse or parent. They are never truly happy. They haven't learned to love themselves so they don't know how to love anyone else. Most of the ones I've run across are habitual liars. Every story told about what happens in their lives is doctored to make them look like the pity poor me that they want. They're takers. Most of them seem to want a free ride. They want to live off of new boy/girlfriends. They think the ex still owes them and should support them while they sit around and eat bon bons. And it doesn't matter if they're man or woman. I've seen just as many men who want to lie around and whine about how life has done them as women. You know the ones I'm talking about. Man or woman - they don't want to do better. They don't want to make an effort. They talk a good line about what they supposedly want but are not willing to take any effort to get there. They want the white picket fence and the kids but they sure aren't willing to get a job to get there. My younger 1/2 brother is like that. Almost 40 and still lives at home with his mom.

My wish would be that in the New Year that some of these folks wake up and grow up. They learn to consider how their actions affect others. And they learn to take responsibility for their action and the consequences of those actions. And if that doesn't happen....

Well, then may a million fire ants crawl in their pants and bite them on the part they sit on. Maybe then their brain will relocate to their head where it should have been in the first place.

Take care and may you all have a peaceful day!

Down time....

I got asked a question today about why would I be on a "step-moms' side? Being as I'm a bio-mom and all. I guess the question sort of threw me for a loop. Why should there be "sides"? Should all bio-moms automatically assume that all step-moms are wrong and mean and horrid? Should all step-moms assume that the bio moms are insane and possessively nuts? Should all parents feel threatened by foster parents who step in and fill a need when the parents are temporarily unavailable? Why do we look at things in black and white and miss the shades of grey?

I don't think there should be "sides" to chose in this. I'm fighting for people to recognize that kids need love. It doesn't matter if that love comes from a bio-parent or a step-parent. All bio-parents are not right. All bio-parents are not wrong. All step-parents are not right. And all step-parents are not evil. Nor are the step folks wrong for loving children that aren't theirs. I don't know why people want to use a child's love as a tug of war toy. It shouldn't be us against them with the kids thrown in the middle. I'm a bio mom. Because I commented on a step-mom's blog about a post she wrote, I have been harassed by the step-moms blog stalkers. My blog has been stalked, I've had crazy emails from the bio-mom trying to convince me to be on "her side", I've gotten threatening emails from the step-son and the bio-mom, I've had defamatory posts written about me. All because I stated that parental and child alienation are wrong. These are tricks that insecure and immature people use when they're afraid that the child might love someone else "more". More than what? My parents were married for 48 years. They were happily married until my dad passed. My mom still wears her wedding ring. I love(d) both of my parents. My relationship with both of them was different. I didn't love one "more" than the other. But my relationship with my mom was different than my relationship with my dad. Not better or worse- different. And whether couples stay married or get divorced, the child(ren)s relationship with the parents would be different. Funny how these same people don't realize that just as the love they feel for one child doesn't diminish with the addition of another child- the child can love both parents without taking something away from either.

For voicing that opinion, I have been cussed, threatened, accused and harassed. Now, here's the fun thing folks. I don't care what these people think. I stand by what I said. Anyone who alienates a child from their other parent - is wrong. Any time a step-parent alienates the parent from the child- its wrong. Anyone who wants to put the kids in the middle, have the kids cuss out adults or teaches the kids to call mom/dad by their name (and I'm not talking about teens who will call you by your first name just to prove how "grown" they think they are) - its wrong. When you discuss your court case with your children or show them the emails discussing the case- you're wrong. No amount of threats, false accusations or lies is going to change that. This is my blog. This is my world. My private play ground. My place to post a recipe or talk about parental alienation or child abuse or foster parenting or how blue the sky is today if I want. I don't care what you think of my opinion. I don't care if you want to sit on my blog for 10 hours a day. Your lies - don't bother me. I have already formed my opinion of you from all the garbage you have been bombarding my email with. You're not worth my time. I don't write for you. I do this for me. And if you want to read it- knock yourself out (Not literally - you can quit banging your head on the wall now). If you don't- click yourself out the way you came in. I don't intimidate. I don't get scared.

Now, for all of my regular friends. Back to the boring updates....

Ruth and Ice Cube have moved. I was hoping that they would move here but they moved back to old city instead. It is a bigger town with a better chance of finding jobs. Ruth's dad owns two houses on about a 5 acre plot that way and he was kind enough to rent the kids the 2 bedroom house for a pittance. The kids have already both found jobs and Ruth's grandma has agreed to watch Little Bit. They have multiple other people (friends and family) that will be there to help them out if they need it too and lots of offers for free child care. Tara and Tom have been seeing quite a bit of Ruth and Ice Cube. Hurricane and Donna live in the area too as do Vix and Cal. I, personally, wish that they had moved here with Little Bit. That's pretty selfish of me honestly. I want it for me - not because it would be best for them. Now, I could make the argument that it would be best for them to be here. But would it? Or would that be me just twisting the facts to make the results go the way that I would like them to? Its easy to do folks. You can always invent reasoning to justify coming up with the results you want. Even if that is what you have to do is - invent the reasons. And even though those reasons may sound totally logical to me when I'm making them - or you when you're inventing your reasons- sometimes we're too close to the situation. Sometimes, we need to step back and look at things logically. And in the case of the kids, I can't fault their reasoning for doing what they did. I'd sure love to have them here with Little Bit. But it was my job to raise my kids to be healthy, productive members of society. And if Ice Cube is working, paying his bills, making his own decisions and taking care of his fiance and son - I did my job.

Vix and Cal left at 9 this evening. Like I said- Vix and I are total opposites. When I leave there to come home, I leave between 9 and 10 in the morning. She leaves here to go home at 9 at night. I was ready to head to bed when they were leaving for her to make that 3 hour drive. Cal is dead tired. He had a very active weekend. He will probably go home and be in bed for 3 days. Then he wants to come back. Apparently, he heard and saw lots of game but we had him set up in a bad spot to actually get a shot off at any of them. He needs to recuperate and then try again. He taught Little Man how to take our shot guns apart and clean them thoroughly this weekend. He also gave the boys some small arms and gun safety training. Maybe not a "normal" school day but they were learning. What they learned today may save their lives out here.

Its going to take me a day or two to recover. Vix and I were talking about it tonight. The visit went better than either of us expected but we are both ready for some down time. Time to recover before doing it again. Going to go watch the new GI Joe movie with my monsters. Night all!

Trolls and anonymous comments

Ok folks. Read the name of this blog. Welcome to Amy's World. My world. My playground. My life. My opinions. If you don't agree with them, if you don't like what you're reading - go away. I will not publish nasty, ignorant comments. I don't have to. I choose not to. Additionally, leaving said comments will not in any way shape or form change either my opinion of the situation or make yourself look good. Here's what I've found. The truth hurts. If someone that you know has an opinion of you then it can hurt. But any given persons opinion only hurts if that person means something to you. If you don't care about the person voicing said opinion - what do you care about the opinion voiced. The exception to this rule is when a stranger catches on and points out a truth that hits you in the gut. You don't want to face the truth, so you lash out. And when you do that, you confirm that the assessment was correct.

Next lesson - abandonment is changing your number so that your children don't have it. Abandonment is 10 years of no phone calls, no birthday cards, and no christmas cards. Abandonment is a total failure to acknowledge someone's (a child's) existence and failure to have any type of relationship with that person at all. Abandonment is NOT when daddy doesn't buy you the toy you want or makes you accept responsibility for a mistake you made. Abandonment is not falling in love or loving another child. Abandonment is total loss of relations. Parental abandonment would be defined by either mom or dad choosing to terminate those relations with a child for no reason. Not because the child requested it or not because the child is so full of attitude that its unhealthy to have the child around but for no reason at all other than selfishness.

Next lesson: We have discussed both parental alienation and child alienation on this blog. Parental alienation is when one parent bad mouths the other to the point of the child taking that parents view and terminating the relationship with the one parent to make the other happy. When one parent guilt trips a child into having no relationship with the other because they're so insecure and immature to realize that it is best for children to be able to love and be loved by both parents. Except in situations of drug usage or molestation of course guys. Child alienation is when a new spouse alienates the parent from the children. The new spouse is so insecure in their new relationship that they don't want the parent to have a relationship with the parent. This our family is very familiar with as this is what happened with my kids. The people that do these things are spawn of demons. They are insecure and immature and need to grow up and get a real life. Period. Children and parents should be free to have relationships and love. And when a new spouse runs the kids away just to have the new hubby/wife all to themselves - then they've ruined something special and should pay.

What SD did was wrong. Period. End of discussion. What his crazy girlfriend did was alienation. No debate. No argument. She ruined what little relationship that they did have without a argument one from him.

Does the class have any other questions?

It's time to grow up!

It's crazy around here as usual.  Hurricane and Ice Cube still aren't really speaking.  They work at the same company so they see each other at work.  One day they actually had to work as a team.  That was an interesting day on many levels.  The fact that they were robbed at gun point was a big one.  Yes, they're both ok.  They lost their cell phones and wallets but luckily neither one of them was hurt and they neither one had any money to lose.  I called the phone company and got Ice Cube's cell phone suspended right away.  The insurance company responded quickly and he had a new phone in less than 24 hours.  Hurricane already has his phone replaced too.  There was video tape recording the robbery so the police got the license plate number of the guy and a nice picture of his face and his car.  They must not have been to shaken up because they BOTH called their girlfriends before they called me.  

I'm going nuts trying to get everything ready before I go into surgery.  Still trying to keep peace between kids who aren't acting very mature doesn't help matters much either.  That makes making my arrangements so hard.   I've had to set up rides for B.  I'm still waiting on Little Man's boss to post his work schedule so that I can make sure he's got rides.  I typed out the kids schedules this morning for my neighbor.  She said she'd make sure that they didn't over sleep and miss school.  Or skip school as the case may be.  Not that MY kids would ever skip school mind you.   Read that with all sarcasm intended please.  I also told her who was allowed here car wise and that she should feel free to bust their bubbles if anyone else was at the house.  The aunt and uncle down at the end of the street will be watching them too.  And the cousins.  I didn't leave them much wiggle room.  My pre-op is done.  I'm good to go.  All except the stress of worrying about what the boys will get into while I'm gone.  For all those women who intentionally throw their kids dad's away like old garbage with the divorce- I'd like to say grow up!  And to all the men who walk out on their kids when they get a divorce and toss their kids away like yesterday's trash - you need to grow up too!  Those biological moms who don't appreciate having an ex who wants to be involved with his kids don't know what they have.  They know what they think they want with their bitterness and hate but they don't see what's at the end of the path they travel.   They have no idea what they're throwing away.  And neither do the men (or women) that walk out on their kids with the divorce.  

Do you know what I wouldn't give to be able to pass the boys off to their dad while I went to surgery (or any other time).  I don't have that luxury.  My kids don't have a dad.  They have a sperm donor.  And my kids don't have the option of having a relationship with him.  Their SD sells drugs from his house.  He's out on bond for 8 felonies right now getting ready to go to trial.  He doesn't have time for them now even if he had ever and that's not something he's willing to take for them.  Time.  So, we don't have that option.  It's not something that's ever been an option for us.   And it's his loss.  He may not realize it yet- he may not realize it ever but he's lost out on something pretty amazing.  Because those kids are pretty amazing.  They may not be perfect and they're pretty good at giving me headaches and stress but they're still amazing type folks.  And as they grow and have families of their own- he's lost all that too.  And those mom's who try to keep that from the men who want to be a part of it all- you will lose out in the end.  Your kids will grow up  - they will think for themselves- they will know what you've done and they will hold you accountable.  

Not that enough people read this for it to ever make a difference.  But it was my rant for today as I'm stressing over my kids while I'm gone to the hospital for a few days.